MATRONLY MENTORS

Posted by Pastor Greg Allen on May 2, 2010 under 2010 |

Preached Sunday, May 2, 2010
from
Titus 2:3

Theme: Older women are to model Christ-like womanhood to the younger women in the church.

(Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture references are taken from The Holy Bible, New King James Version; copyright 1982, Thomas Nelson, Inc.)

[podcast]http://www.bethanybible.org/audio/050210.mp3[/podcast]

As I was talking with my wife the other day about this morning’s message, she shared something with me from her childhood. I suspect that what she shared is probably far more true of young people in our church than we realize.

We sometimes think that the little people in church aren’t paying attention; but I believe we should take it for granted that they’re far more aware of things that they let on. My wife certainly was. She told me that, as a little girl growing up in the church that her family attended, she picked up on the things she heard and saw—how people spoke and shared publicly in church. Maybe she didn’t always understand all the things that were being said; but she certainly knew that it was about Jesus. She’d watch as people worshiped and sang and prayed in church; or how church people behaved in the social gatherings, or the meetings in one another’s homes. And without realizing it, she was trying to learn from it all whether what the people said in church about Jesus Christ was really true.

My wife was a very bright little girl. She knew that if people said and did all these things in church, and then were also faithful to those same things outside of church, then the things that they were saying must be true—that He truly was alive and had changed their lives. But she also knew that, if people didn’t live outside of church in a way that matched what they said inside, then what they said inside of church clearly didn’t matter to them and probably weren’t true.

And as she told me this, I wondered: can kids growing up in churches today look at the lives of the adults in those churches and conclude that the things the Bible teaches us really make a difference in the lives of the people who say they believe them—and therefore are really true? And I particularly can’t help wondering what the young people who grow up in this church see in the adults and older folks around them? Do they see the grown-up believers in our church—people who make a public profession of faith in Jesus, and who claim that the Bible is the word of God, and that God’s righteous standards in life truly matter—live the kind of lives at home, or at work, or with family, or around friends, that convince those precious young people that what they are hearing preached and talked about and prayed over inside of church is really a truth that they can anchor their souls to?

With all my being, I truly hope and pray so! It absolutely must be so! The fact is that when we, who profess the name of Jesus Christ in church, then turn around after church is over, disregard Jesus’ lordship in our daily practices and choices, and compromise with sin and rationalize its presence in our personal lives, we don’t simply do so to our own hurt. We do so at the expense of the credibility of the message of the gospel of Jesus Christ in the eyes of those who are watching us—those who are longing to see the proof from us that it’s all really true!

And it’s that very concern that, I believe, is at the very heart of the section of Paul’s letter to Titus that we’re currently studying.

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Titus was a lead pastor who was responsible for the oversight of several churches on the island of Crete. And the apostle Paul had written to urge him to teach the individual believers in those churches to live the kind of lives that prove to the watching world—with solid, undeniable, real-life evidence—that the message of the gospel is true, and that Jesus truly saves sinners and transforms their lives!

In what I believe is the key passage of this book—found at the end of chapter two—Paul writes;

For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men, teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly in the present age, looking for the blessed hope and glorious appearing of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for us, that He might redeem us from every lawless deed and purify for Himself His own special people, zealous for good works (Titus 2:11-14).

And so, Paul writes to Titus to preach and teach about this—and to make sure that godly living truly is happening in all levels and in all age groups within the church family—so that what people see in our lives convinces them of the truth of the gospel message we proclaim. He writes;

But as for you, speak the things which are proper for sound doctrine: that the older men be sober, reverent, temperate, sound in faith, in love, in patience; the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things—that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed. Likewise, exhort the young men to be sober-minded, in all things showing yourself to be a pattern of good works; in doctrine showing integrity, reverence, incorruptibility, sound speech that cannot be condemned, that one who is an opponent may be ashamed, having nothing evil to say of you. Exhort bondservants to be obedient to their own masters, to be well pleasing in all things, not answering back, not pilfering, but showing all good fidelity, that they may adorn the doctrine of God our Savior in all things (Titus 2:1-10).

As you can see, the first group that Titus was to focus on—a group that, I believe, is strategic for setting the tone for godliness within the church family—is the older men. The spiritual character and godly nature of a church family truly is the reflection of its older ‘patriarchs’. “But as for you,” Paul writs, “speak the things which are proper for sound doctrine: that the older men be sober, reverent, temperate, sound in faith, in love, in patience . . .” (vv. 1-2). But notice the second group that he stresses; “. . . the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things . . .” (v. 3).

I agree with what one commentator has said; that this group—the godly older folks within the church—is a great resource that the church today could draw on much more that it does.¹ We often hold to the mistaken notion—reinforced by our culture—that older folks have had their day and that they ought to now make way for the younger generation. But while we should never go too far the other way, and disregard the ways that the younger generation can invigorate and inspire us with their enthusiasm and motivation, we should recognize that the Bible teaches us that the older generation in the church family should absolutely not step aside! Far from it; it is they who are to be the teachers and mentors and examples by which the younger generation is to be guided to a closer relationship with Jesus!

This is particularly true with respect to the invaluable role godly older women are to play in impacting the lives of young single women, and young wives, and young mothers. Because of their years of experience, they have more knowledge of how to walk with Jesus in daily life. They have more knowledge of how much of a faithful friend Jesus is. They’ve learned what it means to trust Him in the trials of being a busy wife and a mother, or of balancing the responsibilities of life that a woman faces today. They have learned to see through the unrealistic, overwhelming and harmful expectations of womanhood that come from our culture; and are able to show how those things aren’t what really matter.

Paul urges Titus to speak, with the authority of God’s own word, what is proper to the older women with respect to the kind of behavior matches up with the gospel of Jesus Christ . . . “that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed” (vv. 4-5).

The ‘curriculum’ Paul calls for in verses 4-5 is radically different from what we typically hear today; don’t you agree? I’ll just come out and say it: In an age in which the ungodly values of “Sex in The City” and the false spirituality of Oprah Winfrey have become the reigning models of womanhood in our culture—and have far too often even reached into the church—we need the example of godly older women of faith now more than ever!

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Now; as was true with Paul’s words regarding older men, I believe that his words regarding older women are ‘strategic’ in nature. Paul, in wanting for Titus to establish an atmosphere of daily life within the church body that will best “adorn” the gospel to the watching world, he doesn’t start with what the younger generation is to do. Instead, he focuses his instruction on those who are—by God’s design—the true ‘mentors’ and ‘trend-setters’ within the church. He urges Titus, first of all, to exhort the older men to be godly men; and then, he urges him to “likewise” exhort the older women to be godly women. This is because it’s the example of those older men and women in the church that has the greatest possible influence on the spiritual life of the next generation of believers. Those older, more seasoned believers need to be the kind of people—as was said at the beginning—who ‘prove’ the truth of the gospel message to the watching younger generation.

And do you notice how careful Paul is not to tell Pastor Titus to teach the younger women directly? That would not be appropriate. That wouldn’t be a pastor’s proper place. Lots of problems could result if he were to try. Instead, the people best equipped to teach those younger women is the faithful, godly older women in the church. It’s the God-appointed place in the church family of the older women of God to come along-side those younger women and be their teachers and counselors and mentors and examples.

To do that, they themselves need to have certain character qualities. And so, this Sunday, I ask that we concentrate just on what Paul wanted Titus to teach those older women.

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The first thing that Paul calls the older women in the church to be is . . .

1. REVERENT IN BEHAVIOR.

It’s an interesting set of words Paul uses. The first one—here translated “behavior”—has to do with someone’s personal appearance, or condition, or demeanor. It has to do, here, with what people see when they look at the way someone lives. And the second word—translated “reverent”—has to do with that which is becoming or appropriate of a holy person, or someone who is dedicated to sacred services. It’s actually saying that an older woman in Christ is to live—in the daily behavior that is apparent to all—in a way that is becoming of a person set apart unto sacred things. She is to conduct herself in a ‘priestly’ manner.

Now; that may sound a bit surprising. But let’s remember that if any person is truly in a saving relationship with Jesus Christ, he or she has been graciously redeemed by God through the blood of Jesus into what is truly a holy ‘priesthood’. The Bible tells us that the saints will one day sing praises to Jesus in heavenly glory; because He has “made us kings and priests to our God” (Revelation 5:10). We thus believe in the great Reformation doctrine of the priesthood of every genuine believer in Jesus. And so, for an older woman to be instructed to be “reverent in behavior” isn’t really a strange idea at all. It’s simply a matter of urging her to be in everyday life like what she truly is in Christ—a woman who is in a ‘priestly’ relationship to the Lord, and who is dedicated to His holy service. She is to walk about in daily life with a humble attitude of awareness of her priesthood, and to live in a manner that is becoming of her ‘priestliness’ in His service.

There’s a woman in the Bible who comes to my mind when I think of this. Her name was Anna; and she’s described for us in Luke 2:36-38. She lived at the time when our Lord was a tiny infant and was brought into the temple to be presented to the Lord in accordance with the Old Testament law. We’re told that she was “a prophetess, the daughter of Phanuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was of a great age, and had lived with a husband seven years from her virginity; and this woman was a widow of about eighty-four years”—which may mean that she was, by this time, almost 100 years old! And look at how ‘priestly’ she was in her behavior; that she “did not depart from the temple, but served God with fastings and prayers night and day.” She was the one who, when Joseph and Mary brought the infant Lord Jesus into the temple, “gave thanks to the Lord, and spoke of Him to all those who looked for redemption in Jerusalem.”

Now; of course, this doesn’t mean that a godly older woman is expected to live eighty-four years in a temple! And it certainly doesn’t mean that she should live in her home in a way that would only be appropriate to a church! But what it does mean is that she walks about in all aspects of daily life—whether at home, or in church, or anywhere she goes—with a reverent awareness of who she is in Christ; and that she behaves in a way that is becoming of a woman set apart by God for holy purposes. She should model the behavior that Paul speaks of when he writes . . .

that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works (1 Timothy 2:9-10).

She should attend to her appearance in the way that the apostle Peter instructs godly women to do when he wrote;

Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel—rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God (1 Peter 3:3-4).

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Now; I believe it’s significant that Paul stressed that the older godly women be “reverent in behavior” first. A commitment to the sort of holy demeanor that he speaks of will affect all the other things that a godly older woman will do—or not do. In fact, the next to things he mentions about her behavior concern things that are not to be characteristic of her, and that she is not to do.

So; note the next thing Paul says they are to be; that is . . .

2. NOT SLANDERERS.

Again, the Greek word that Paul uses here is very interesting. In fact, it’s a Greek word that you may already know—diabolous, which is the Greek word for ‘a slanderer—that is, someone who defames someone else, or spreads an evil report about someone in order to disgrace them. But which also is the word we translate “devil”.

Jesus said that the devil “was a murderer from the begin, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own resources, for he is a liar and the father of it” (John 8:44). And to “slander” someone else—to seek to “murder” their reputation through malicious gossip—is to do the devil’s own work. That’s why, in 1 Timothy 3:11, Paul writes that the wives of deacons “must be reverent, not slanderers”. He warns, in 1 Timothy 5:13, about young widows who “learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house, and not only idle but also gossips and busybodies, saying things which they ought not”.

This isn’t, of course, meant to say that men don’t engage in slander sometimes too. They most clearly do (see 2 Timothy 3:3); and when they do, it’s a sin to be repented of. But there’s a particular danger in older women engaging in the habit of slander and gossip—and especially in a church. Women are particularly gifted by God, I believe, with a great ability to ‘nurture’ others through their words. They can give great comfort to the wounded and encouragement to the downcast. But when older women use that same power to hurt others with their words—particularly because of the influence they have as older women—the potential of their slander is particularly hurtful! They can wound the wounded even further, and cast the downcast down to the depths of sorrow. As John Calvin wrote; older women, “by their slanderous talkativeness, as by a lighted torch, frequently set on fire many houses”.

And so, a godly older woman in the church must surrender the great potential of her tongue to the Lord for good; and never yield it over to do the devil’s work. She—like all of Jesus’ faithful followers—must be characterized by what Paul wrote elsewhere;

Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption (Ephesians 4:29-30).

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A second thing he says that ought to characterize an older woman of God in the church is that she be . . .

3. NOT GIVEN TO MUCH WINE.

Apparently, this was a particular problem in the Cretan culture. It was a culture that was given over to drunkenness. And it wasn’t just women within the church that Paul was concerned with. He wrote that elders were not to be given to wine (1 Timothy 3:3; Titus 1:7); and that, likewise, deacons were to be “not given to much wine” (1 Timothy 3:8). Paul even wrote, in the previous verse, that older men were to be characterized as “sober” or “temperate”; which certainly would have included the idea that they were not to be given to excesses in the area of drinking.

The older people of the church are to be examples to the younger generation. If they should be an example of anything in the area of drinking, it should be as examples of those who have put such excesses out of their lives, and who demonstrate a lifestyle of the kind of soberness that reflects positively on their professed faith in Jesus Christ. And this is particularly true of godly older women in the church; because they present an example to the younger women of how to cope with the trials and struggles of life in a godly manner. They need to exemplify to the women what Paul was talking about when he said,

And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another in the fear of God (Ephesians 5:18-21).

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Finally, Paul urges that the older women of the church be . . .

4. TEACHERS OF GOOD THINGS.

This last quality, it seems to me, is the one that helps demonstrate the importance of all the others; and helps us to appreciate the immeasurable value of the service that godly older women perform to the church family.

I don’t believe that it means that the older women are to be “teachers” in the most formal sense. Certainly, the Bible says that they are not to be teachers in a way that takes the place that the elders of the church are to occupy; because Paul writes elsewhere, “I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man” (1 Timothy 2:12). But clearly, the godly older women are to be “teachers of good things”. And it’s important to notice what verses 4-5 give as the reason for what we find in verse 3; “that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands . . .” In other words, the godly older women fill the vital role of teaching the younger women in the church how to live lives of godly womanhood.

This, of course, means that the godly women in our church family must, themselves, exemplify the very things that they are to teach. They themselves need to have a good record of having loved their own husbands and their own children. They themselves must be discreet and chaste women—modest in their manner, and pure in their conduct. They themselves need to be experts in home-management—able to pass on the skills and tips they’ve learned along the way for making the home a blessed, peaceful, nurturing place to live. They themselves need to be “good”—a true blessing to others in need, and God-honoring in all the ways they serve. And they themselves must be obedient to their own husbands—not, mind you, the “slaves” of “all men”; but specifically honoring to the headship role that their own husband has been given by God.

And note the result of their being such “teachers of good things” to the younger women. It’s so that “the word of God may not be blasphemed”. The people of this world look on it all, and have nothing by which they can speak against the gospel. In fact, more than that; they’re able to look and see that the gospel is true—that Jesus Christ truly does change lives!

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Dear older sisters—you dear, precious women who, to the rest of us, are mothers, and grandmothers in the Lord Jesus—heed God’s word to you. Strive to be what God calls you to be. Be ” reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things”. And in doing so, embrace your vital mentoring role to the young women of our church with all your heart. You are so very important, and they need your service to them!

And to the rest of us, dear brothers and young people, who listen in to Paul’s instructions; let’s be sure that we pray for those dear sisters, and support them in this vital ministry.

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Philip H. Towner, 1-2 Timothy & Titus (Downers Grove: InterVarsity Press, 1994), p. 237.