LEADING FROM HOME

Posted by Pastor Greg Allen on February 7, 2010 under 2010 |

Preached on Sunday, February 7, 2010
from
Titus 1:6

Theme: Those who oversee God’s household must be exemplary in their home-life.

(Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture references are taken from The Holy Bible, New King James Version; copyright 1982, Thomas Nelson, Inc.)

Over the past few weeks, we’ve been studying Paul’s New Testament letter to his ministry partner Titus; and particularly, his instruction that Titus appoint good, godly pastoral leadership for the churches that were entrusted to his care.

In verses 5-9, Paul wrote;

For this reason I left you in Crete, that you should set in order the things that are lacking, and appoint elders in every city as I commanded you—if a man is blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of dissipation or insubordination. For a bishop must be blameless, as a steward of God, not self-willed, not quick-tempered, not given to wine, not violent, not greedy for money, but hospitable, a lover of what is good, sober-minded, just, holy, self-controlled, holding fast the faithful word as he has been taught, that he may be able, by sound doctrine, both to exhort and convict those who contradict (Titus 1:5-9).

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As I began preparing to preach from this passage several weeks ago, I found that it made me feel a little self-conscious. These words, after all, are about the qualifications for leaders in God’s church; and my initial concern was that, in preaching from them, I might come across as somewhat self-focused. I certainly didn’t want to stand up and bore everyone by seeming to preach sermons that might have best been just preached to myself! But as the weeks have gone by, I’ve grown to appreciate how vital these words truly are to the health and ministry of the whole church family.

For one thing, these words reinforce to us the absolute necessity of biblically qualified leadership and oversight in God’s household. There was a time when this church was, for some time, without a pastor. Its pastor had stepped down and moved away; and for over a year, the church had no pastoral leadership. It relied on guest speakers and visiting ministers to provide its preaching ministry. Some churches are able to get by that way for a little while. But no church can do so for very long and still be a healthy and vibrant one. I was told that, during that time, this church had dwindled down to only a dozen people or so. But then, God in His providence—at just the right time—gave it the pastor who immediately preceded me. He was—and is—a very good, strong, godly pastor; and God used his leadership to get the church back on good footing again.

And this highlights to us just how important this passage really is to the whole church family! It’s not God’s design for a church to carry on its ministry without pastoral leadership. Biblically qualified leaders are God’s necessary gift to a local church. Without them, the church cannot be what God wants it to be. That’s why one of the very first things Paul urged Titus do was to “set in order the things that are lacking, and appoint elders in every city as I commanded you . . .”

And what’s more, these words also help us to appreciate the personal impact that godly pastoral leadership has on the individuals within the church family. The qualifications that are mentioned in this passage give us the high standards God places on those who would be the servant leaders of His household. As Paul wrote to Timothy in a similar passage, “This is a faithful saying: If a man desires the position of bishop [that is, the position of an overseer in the church—the same position as that of an elder or a pastor], he desires a good work” (1 Timothy 3:1). Twice in our passage this morning, Paul stresses that the elder or bishop must be “blameless” or “above reproach” (v. 5, 7). And this is because he is to be an example to the rest of the church in godly living.

The character and lifestyle of the people in the church family are a reflection of the character and lifestyle of its pastor. He is given by God to “be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity” (1 Timothy 4:12). And so, this also helps us appreciate why this passage is so important to the church as a whole. It lays out for us the kind of godly character and obedient living that ought to characterize the pastor—and thus, every believer in the church!

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Now; these two things—the necessity of biblical church leadership; and the example those leaders set for the saints of godly, Christ-like living—are vital to the witness of the church in this world! As Paul wrote to Titus in 2:7-8;

. . . in all things showing yourself to be a pattern of good works; in doctrine showing integrity, reverence, incorruptibility, sound speech that cannot be condemned, that one who is an opponent may be ashamed, having nothing evil to say of you [or, as some translations have it, “having nothing evil to say of us”] (Titus 2:7-8).

To put it another way, an “above reproach” kind of pastoral leadership of the church is essential; because God wants every member of the church family to bear an “above reproach” kind of witness for the gospel to this world!

And so, with all of that in mind, I want you to notice the first area of qualification that Paul focuses on with respect to pastoral leadership. You’ll find it in Titus 1:6. They must be “blameless” or “above reproach” in their family life. As Paul says, they must be “the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of dissipation or insubordination.” And we should note what Paul goes on to say in verse 7; “For a bishop must be blameless, as a steward [or household manager] of God . . .”

The elders of the church are the appointed stewards of God’s household; and so, it’s essential that they be blameless in the way they manages their own households.

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Now; isn’t it fascinating that, in the list of qualifications for leadership in the church, the condition of the pastor’s family life is placed first? It’s not only placed first here, but it’s also placed first in Paul’s list of qualifications for pastoral leadership in 1 Timothy 3. As you read through that list, this is what you find; “This is a faithful saying: If a man desires the position of a bishop, he desires a good work. A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife . . .” In other words, in both lists of qualifications, the pastor’s family life is placed in the position of first consideration.

I’d like to suggest a reason why this is so. It’s because the truest evidence of a man’s character is going to be found—not in his personal testimony of himself, or in his outward expressions of character, or in his educational or professional credentials, or even in his job competency and performance—but in that place where the people who are closest to him, and where those who live most intimately with him, know him best.

Perhaps you’ve noticed that it has become “fashionable” over the past several years for people in the public eye to make a clear distinction between what they call their “private life” and their “public life”. Politicians, professional athletes, film stars and pop-musicians seem to make this distinction all the time. When some scandal hits the press about the way they live their lives, they often defend themselves by saying, “But that’s my private life. What I do in my private life isn’t anybody else’s business; and besides, it doesn’t have anything to do with how well I do my work.”

But the priority that this passage places on the pastor’s family life shows us that such “private life/public life” distinctions are not God’s will for any of His church leaders. The truth of the matter is that there really is no such distinction for anyone. Whatever a man is in his private life is—in actual fact—what he really is in the sight of God. For the pastor who is to be the example to God’s people—and for every genuine believer in Jesus Christ who is to be following that example—there is to be no difference between what he is in his private life and what he presents himself to be in his public persona. And the surest proof of what a man truly is is what he is at home with respect to his wife and his children.

What a man is at home is what he really is! And that, I believe, is why it is placed first in the list of qualifications for godly church leadership.

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Paul has the pastor’s “family qualifications” broken down into two divisions. So, let’s look at the first qualification; that he be . . .

1. THE HUSBAND OF ONE WIFE.

Now; what exactly does this qualification mean? Does it, for example mean what some have interpreted it to mean?—that a man ought not to be a pastor unless he is married? That “the husband of one wife” requirement means that, in order to be a pastor, a man must actually have “one” wife? Wouldn’t this make sense of the next family qualification—that is, that he have ‘faithful children’? Wouldn’t this mean that, before a pastoral candidate gets his first church, he ought to first get a wife?

Well; I would say that if a believing man—pastor or not—doesn’t have the ability to be single, he’d truly better get married! As Paul points out in his letter to the Corinthians, “[B]ecause of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband” (1 Corinthians 7:2). Marriage is a safeguard against the immorality of the age. And what’s more, as I can personally testify, having a good, faithful, godly wife as my partner in ministry has been a tremendous asset—not only to me, but to the whole church family. My wife is a wise advisor in dealing with church issues, and she is a needed comfort and friend in some of the most difficult trials of ministry.

But the problem with being too rigid in this view is that Paul—the man who was giving this word of instruction to Titus—was himself single at the time. He even advised others that, if they could remain single, it would be better if they were as he was (1 Corinthians 7:7)—so they could give undivided attention to the work of the Lord (v. 35). Personally, I believe that I am, in many ways, a far better pastor as a married man. But I don’t believe that Paul is saying in this passage that it is a required qualification.

Alright then; would it mean what some others have interpreted it to mean?—that a man is disqualified from becoming an elder if he has had a divorce? After all, in the original language of this letter, Paul puts emphasis on the word “one”; and says that an elder must be “of one woman a husband”. If he’s divorced and remarried, then wouldn’t that mean that he’d have more than one?

Now; I want you to know, dear brothers and sisters, that I’ve really struggled with that one. The world in which Titus lived was one very much like ours—one in which divorces and remarriages were common. And even though the Bible allows someone to divorce their spouse if they are found to be unfaithful, Jesus taught that whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery (Matthew 19:9). I’m sure it happened quite often that a man was considered for the role of a pastor who had had been divorced and remarried in such a way as to now be bound—in God’s sight—to more than one wife. And you can just imagine the kinds of problems that such a situation would bring on his ministry! Those sorts of situations seem rather clear. But what aren’t so clear are the cases in which a man had biblically divorced and remarried, and was truly “unbound” from one wife before he became “bound” to another. Can he be considered “the husband of one wife”, and thus qualified to be a pastor?

Well; here’s a case in which I’m—quite frankly—not sure what all the implications of this qualification might be. I think it makes good sense that a pastor not be a divorced man—even if his divorce was a legitimate one. But I’m not sure I could make a hard-and-fast rule about that just based on this passage alone; and that I’d have to trust each individual church to make that decision based on the merits of each individual case.

But I do think that there’s an intended ‘spirit’ to this passage; and I think it’s best expressed in what the apostle Paul has written about the relationship that Jesus Himself enjoys with the church. The church is His bride, and He is her Husband; and the human marital relationship is to be a picture of that spiritual reality. Paul wrote;

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband (Ephesians 5:22-33).

And so; I’ve come to the conclusion that the best interpretation of the phrase “the husband of one wife” is as a description of the character of a man who loves his wife like Jesus’ loves His church.

Just think of how Jesus is totally devoted to His bride. He doesn’t have many “brides”; but only one. And He loves that one bride so much that He gives everything of Himself to sanctify her, and cleanse her, and make her beautiful in His sight. He laid down His life in order to share His own glory with her and make her spotless and perfect. He truly loves her as He loves Himself. He counts her to be as His own body! And I suggest that the best understanding of what it means for an elder to be “the husband of one wife” is the one that expresses how that elder models Jesus’ example of marital love to the rest of the church family.

Even a man who has been married to one woman all his life, and has never been divorced at all, can still have an unfaithful heart toward her that doesn’t follow Jesus’ example. He can be selfish toward his wife, or use her for his own purposes. He can be the husband of one wife in legal standing, but not really be a one-woman kind of man in moral behavior. And I believe that the only kind of man that ought to be a pastor is one who is a one-woman kind of husband that clearly reflects the Lord Jesus’ relationship of love, faithfulness and sacrificial care for His beloved church. A pastor must be a man who lives with his wife as Jesus does toward His church. And he must do so in such a way as to set a clear example for the rest of the church family.

A church family, in which lots of relationships can happen, is a dangerous place to put a pastor who is not a “one-woman” kind of man. Churches that have ignored this qualification has done so to their own sorrow. A man who is not faithful to this most fundamental commitment of Christ-like, singular faithfulness to his wife cannot be expected to be faithful in any other responsibility. And what he is in his marriage will be the proof of the kind of man he will be in his church ministry!

And so, a pastor must be a man who is tested and proven to be “the husband of one wife”. He must be the kind of man that other men can look at and say, “I want to love my wife as Christ loves the church—just like I see the pastor doing toward his wife!”

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As we have seen, the family qualifications of an elder are listed first. And I think it’s important to notice that the man’s relationship with his wife is the first of those ‘family qualification’ to consider in calling him to be a leader in the church. That, I believe, is always the right priority. The way a man loves his wife will have a life-long impact his children in a way that nothing else can. It is placed in the priority position in God’s word.

But this leads us to consider the next qualification . . .

2. HAVING FAITHFUL CHILDREN.

Now; I think that the same thing we said about the first qualification applies here. It’s not essential that a man have a wife in order to be an elder; and it’s also not essential that he have children. In fact, if he has never had a wife, it goes without saying that he’d also better not have had any children! But even if he does has a wife, I don’t believe this means that he absolutely must also have children.

But if a man desires to be an elder, and he does have children, the impact of his Christian life on those children ought to be carefully considered! As Paul says in 1 Timothy 3:4-5, an elder must be “one who rules his own house well, having his children in submission with all reverence (for if a man does not know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church of God?) . . .”

I see in this passage that there are three things that must be true of the children of a pastor. First, Paul says that he must have children that are “faithful”. The word that is used here is the same word that is often translated “believing”; and I believe that that’s the intended idea. A man who wishes to become a pastor ought to have led the most basic people entrusted to his care—that is, his own children—to faith in Jesus. He must pastor them first!

It ought to be evident that he has taught them from the Bible, and has prayed regularly with them, and that they are living a life of manifest faith in Jesus. It ought to be evident that they were raised in a faithful, Christian home. It certainly doesn’t mean that his children must be perfect; but simply that they are “faithful” to the Lord. And it ought to be evident that he has taught them this in a gentle and gracious way. He ought to embody the command of Ephesians 6:4; “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).

A second thing that Paul says is that they must not be “accused of dissipation”; or, as the New International Translation has it, “not open to the charge of being wild”. The apostle Paul spoke of how we used to run around with unbelieving people; “when we walked in lewdness, lusts, drunkenness, revelries, drinking parties, and abominable idolatries. In regard to these, they think it strange that you do not run with them in the same flood of dissipation . . .” (1 Peter 4:3-4). And so, there’s a good description of “dissipation”; to walk “in lewdness, lusts, drunkenness, revelries, drinking parties, and abominable idolatries . . .” It would be to live as an unsaved person. A pastor must not have children who make the claim to faith; but who then deny that claim by a lifestyle that opens them up to the accusation of dissipation.

And a third thing that Paul says is that the pastor’s children must also not be accused of “insubordination”—that is, of not being subject to authority or of being habitually disorderly in their conduct. An accusation of “dissipation” may be speaking of their outward behavior; and an accusation of “insubordination” may be speaking of their inward attitude.

Again; no one should ever expect a preacher’s children to be perfect. That’s not fair to either the preacher or his children. But a man whose children are habitually subject to the accusation of “dissipation” or “insubordination” should not be a pastor.

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Now; these seem like very high standards. And they are. But as I’ve suggested earlier, these high standards are for the good of the church. They help establish the strength of the church’s leadership; and they are what sets the example for the rest of the body of Christ. Every man in the church ought to love his wife as Christ loves the church; and every home in the church ought to be a place where children are gently and lovingly raised in the training and admonition of the Lord.

And the most important reason this is important is because of our witness for the gospel of Jesus Christ to this world. This world is watching the home life of each one of us—because what each one of us is in our homes is what we really are; and the people of this world are longing to see a life in us that truly ‘adorns’ the gospel of Jesus that we preach.

Please, keep praying for me as your pastor; that I’ll be an exemplary husband and father. And let’s keep praying for each other, that we’ll all be exemplary in our home life as a church family. And together, let’s show the world—by the way we live—that Jesus is real and that He can change the life of anyone who trusts in Him.