‘AS CHRIST ALSO LOVED THE CHURCH’

Posted by Pastor Greg Allen on October 22, 2023 under 2023 |

Bethany Bible Church Sermon Message from October 22, 2023 from Ephesians 5:25-30

Theme: A believing husband should love his own wife as Jesus loves His church.

(All Scripture is taken from The New King James Version, unless otherwise indicated).

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We come this morning to a passage in the Book of Ephesians that has had a long-lasting, life-changing impact on me. And I’d like to share with you a little bit about that impact.

But first, we need to understand this passage in its context. It’s found in Ephesians 5—in the larger setting of the apostle Paul’s teaching about how to experience abiding happiness through the Holy Spirit.

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As we’ve been learning over the past few weeks, it all begins with the command that’s found in Ephesians 5:18. Paul wrote;

And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit … (Ephesians 5:18).

People genuinely need to be happy. But sadly, many folks try to manufacture happiness for themselves in ways that God never intended for them to experience it—ways that, in fact, are very harmful and destructive to themselves. Instead, the apostle Paul gave his believing brothers and sisters the instruction to submit themselves to the prevailing and pervasive influence of the Holy Spirit. They are to ‘be filled with the Spirit’—that is, to be willingly ruled over and controlled by the Holy Spirit who indwells everyone who has placed their full trust in Jesus.

And as we’ve also been learning, that ‘filling’ manifests itself in at least three ways. Embracing these three manifestations of the Holy Spirit’s work in our lives leads—in the long run—to genuine happiness. First, the Holy Spirit shows Himself through an expressive and edifying attitude of worship toward God. As verse 19, says, “speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord …” Second, He shows Himself through an attitude of prevailing thanksgiving to God for all things. As it says in verse 20, “giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ …” And third, He shows His work in us through a humble attitude of submissiveness toward others in the relationships in which God places us. As it says in verse 21, “submitting to one another in the fear of God.”

Now; we’re not meant to exhibit these qualities in our own power. Instead, we’re to allow the Holy Spirit to exhibit them in us. And we’re to trust in His enabling power and help in the process. And as we do so, we find that they lead to true, lasting happiness and joy in living the Christian life.

That includes the whole matter of Holy Spirit-empowered submissiveness in the various relations in life. Paul spent a lot of time in this passage giving us examples of this in everyday relationships. He wrote about it from 5:22 to 6:9. And he began by describing this Spirit-empowered submissiveness as it exhibits itself specifically in the marriage relationship. In verses 22-24, he speaks of the believing wife’s relationship with her own husband;

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything (vv. 22-24).

Then, in verses 5-30, he speaks of the believing husband’s relationship with his own wife;

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones (vv. 25-30).

In both halves of the marriage relationship, we can plainly see that the model for mutual submissiveness is Jesus’ relationship with His own church. Wives are to show Holy Spirit-empowered submission to the Lord by being submitted to their own husbands as the church is to Christ. And likewise, husbands are to show Holy Spirit-empowered submission to the Lord by loving their own wives as Jesus loves His own church. And the relationship between the Lord and His church is the basis of it all. That’s why—in verses 31-33—Paul went on to say;

“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband (vv. 31-33).

Those closing three verses are so important that I feel that we need to devote an entire Sunday morning’s time to what they tell us. But this morning, I’d like to focus just on verses 25-30. And I’d like to share with you how what is said in those verses has impacted me personally.

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Now; there was a time, many years ago, when I first tried to preach from the command for husbands to love their wives. And I found myself very frustrated by what it said. I wasn’t frustrated by the command that it plainly gives me—that is, that I should love my wife. I certainly was ready to do that. Rather, what frustrated me was the seemingly impossible standard that it set before me. It told me that I was to love my wife as Jesus loves His own bride—the church. And how could I ever measure up to a standard as high as that? How could I ever love my wife that much? And how could I then exhort other believing husbands to obey a command that I didn’t think I myself could possibly obey?

I wrestled with that whole frustration for a while. And then, as I was sitting at my desk with that passage opened before me, I felt as if the Lord Himself spoke to me through an impression that He laid on my heart. What He seemed to tell me was, “Instead of focusing on how much you are to love your wife, why don’t you begin first by focusing on how much I love you?” And that’s what I did … for the next day or so. And dear brothers and sisters in Christ; it was life-transforming!

You see; this passage tells us about how Jesus loves His church—the whole body of His called-out and redeemed people. I am a part of that church; and what it says about the church in general can be taken to apply to me personally—as well as to every other individual believer. And so; what does it tell me that Jesus has done to demonstrate His love for me personally?

First, it tells me—in verse 25—that He gave Himself for me. He gave all of Himself for me. I was a sinner. I was in rebellion against Him. I deserved the death penalty before a holy God. And yet, the Son of God came to my rescue. He took human flesh to Himself, became born as a full member of the human family—just like me—and “gave Himself” for me. He left heavenly glory for a while, and came down to where I live to give His all on my behalf—even to the point of the cross. He bore the guilt of the sins that I committed. He suffered the death for me that I should have died. He experienced the separation from God the Father that I should have suffered. And He did all of this freely and willingly as an act of immeasurable love for me! He gave His all for me—even though I didn’t deserve it! As it says in Romans 5;

For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:7-8).

That’s what this passage told me about how much Jesus loved me.

And then, as I read further in verse 26, it went on to tell me that He died for me in order to sanctify me—that is, to set me apart as pure and holy in His sight. He didn’t just die to pay for my sins and then just leave me standing there—with my debt before God canceled. That would have been exceedingly wonderful enough! But He went on to do what was needed to make me truly holy in His Father’s sight. He cleansed me with the washing of water by the word.

There’s a story that we find in Ezekiel 16. It’s a story about God’s love for the people of Israel. But I also think of it as my story. It says that Jerusalem was found by God—in a symbolic sense—as a helpless, needy baby in a condition of complete unworthiness. He said;

“‘As for your nativity, on the day you were born your navel cord was not cut, nor were you washed in water to cleanse you; you were not rubbed with salt nor wrapped in swaddling cloths. No eye pitied you, to do any of these things for you, to have compassion on you; but you were thrown out into the open field, when you yourself were loathed on the day you were born. And when I passed by you and saw you struggling in your own blood, I said to you in your blood, “Live!” Yes, I said to you in your blood, “Live!”’” (Ezekiel 16:4-6).

That certainly described me! He found me, had pity on me, and called out to me and said, “Live!” And I lived! And yet, I was still covered with the filth of my old life. And then, that Old Testament passage went on to speak of how God cleansed and beautified Jerusalem;

“‘When I passed by you again and looked upon you, indeed your time was the time of love; so I spread My wing over you and covered your nakedness. Yes, I swore an oath to you and entered into a covenant with you, and you became Mine,’ says the Lord God. Then I washed you in water; yes, I thoroughly washed off your blood, and I anointed you with oil’” (vv. 8-9).

And that’s what Jesus also did for me. He washed me with the water of His word and made me clean. He anointed me and made me His own. There was definitely an aspect in which that cleansing was all instantaneous. He once told His disciples,

“You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you” (John 15:3).

And He instantaneously made me clean too. But there’s also an aspect in which it takes time—and is still going on. His word is continually transforming—teaching me to leave my old sinful practices behind and live more like Him every day. But the point is that He didn’t leave me in the filth of my old sins. He cleansed me by the washing of water through His word and declared me to be His own. And not long after that happened, I was baptized in water in a church in order to publicly declare that I truly have been washed completely clean of all my sins by Him. That’s what this passage taught me about how much He loves me.

And it went on to tell me more. In verse 27, it told me that He has sanctified me and washed me clean in order to ultimately glorify me for Himself. He has a glorious destiny in mind for me. It says that He did all this so that He might present me to Himself glorious—along with all His redeemed people—without any spot or wrinkle so that I will be glorious and without blemish in His presence forever.

In Ephesians 1:3-4, the apostle Paul wrote;

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, (Ephesians 1:3-4).

It was God the Father Himself who set me apart for that destiny. And Jesus came to make that destiny possible. And since it was never based on anything that I could do to make it happen, Jesus’ desired destiny for me absolutely cannot fail. As it says in Jude 24;

Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling,
And to present you faultless
Before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy (Jude 24).

That’s how much Jesus loves me. He has given Himself for me so that I will share with Him in His glory forever.

And there’s more. As I read on in verses 28-30, I discovered that Jesus loves me so much that He desires for me to be completely united to Him and enjoy total fellowship with Him forever. He has bound me so closely to Himself that He considers me to be a part of His own body—as it were, of His own flesh and bone. In Ephesians 1:22-23, we’re told that He is

head over all things to the church, which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all (Ephesians 1:22b-23).

I discovered that Jesus has united Himself so completely and so permanently to me that He considers Himself incomplete without me. That’s how much this passage taught me that He loves me.

Now; I spent a day or two reflecting on this passage about all that it taught me about Jesus’ love for me personally. I can’t say that I thought about it back then to the depth I think about it now. The magnitude of it all has grown in me over time. But I can tell you this much, dear brothers and sisters; that day or two of reflection completely transformed me. I have never been the same. And when it was all over, it was as if the Lord Jesus then took me by the head, turned my eyes to gaze upon my wife, and asked me, “Now; what do you think about her?”

And I knew that I could never look at my wife the same again. I had been so impacted by Jesus’ love for His bride—and for me personally—that I couldn’t help but now love my bride in a completely new way. I yielded myself to the Holy Spirit, and He empowered me to love her as Jesus loves me. I have checked with her about this several times—because I wouldn’t dare stand up before you today and say such a thing if it wasn’t true. And she has confirmed to me that—yes—that experience marked a change in the way that I treated her. That change is still going on.

And today, dear church family, I am convinced that a believing husband cannot even begin to love His wife as he should until he has first come to grips with how much Jesus loves him. I hope that every person here today has placed his or her faith in Jesus, and has experienced personally the depths of His love for them. I hope that every person here today has responded to His love by loving one another more deeply. As it says in 1 John 4:9-11;

In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another (1 John 4:9-11).

And so, this passage shows us that a believing husband should love his own wife as Jesus loves His church. And if a husband comes to terms with Jesus’ love for him in the power of the Holy Spirit, then loving his wife will be a joy to him … and submitting will be a joy to her.

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So then; let’s look again at Ephesians 5:25-30. What does it mean for a believing husband to love his own wife as Jesus loves His church? It would mean at least three things.

First, it would mean that …

1. HE SHOULD LOVE HER SACRIFICIALLY.

In verse 25, Paul wrote, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her …” And how much did He give Himself for her? He gave His all for her. He gave Himself even to the point of dying for her.

In Acts 20, the apostle Paul was speaking to a group of pastors (who, incidentally, were pastors of the church in Ephesus), and told them;

Therefore take heed to yourselves and to all the flock, among which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to shepherd the church of God which He purchased with His own blood (Acts 20:28).

That’s the extent to which Jesus went in giving Himself for the church—which is His bride. And if a believing husband is going to love his own wives as he should—in the power of the Holy Spirit—then that’s how far he should be willing to go. He should love her so sacrificially that he’d be willing and ready to lay down his own life for her.

I read once about a man who came to his pastor with a problem. This man had just gotten married; and he was worried because he felt that he loved his new bride too much. “I just can’t stop thinking about her, Pastor. She’s always on my mind. I’m always buying gifts for her; always wanting to do things for her; always wanting to be with her. I’m really concerned that I have things out of balance—that I love her too much!” The pastor said, “Wow; that sounds like a real problem. So; tell me … Would you be willing to die for her?” And the new husband said, “Well; I don’t know. I’m not sure I’ve allowed things to go that far.” “Ah,” said the pastor, “Then I see your problem. You don’t love your wife enough yet. You’d better repent and get with it, brother!”

God may not call a husband to literally lay down his life for his wife. But he must be prepared to do so; because that’s how much Jesus loves His church. And let me just add that, if the Lord has a husband to the point where he’d lay down his life for his own wife, then he’d also be willing to make any other lesser sacrifice for her. He’d literally lay down his all for her … and give her everything else of himself besides.

Now; this doesn’t mean that a husband should give to his wife in an indiscriminate and careless way. A second thing that would come from a husband loving his wife as Jesus loves His church is that …

2. HE SHOULD LOVE HER SANCTIFYINGLY.

In verses 26-27, Paul wrote that Jesus gave Himself for His church, “that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.” This would mean that—in the end—a good husband who loves his wife as Jesus loves His church would be sure to protect her purity and devotion to Jesus Himself. He would never ask her to do something that would be wrong, or to participate in anything that would be displeasing to the Lord who purchased her with His own blood. He would seek to protect her sanctification in Christ.

But there’s a positive sense to this as well. He would love his wife ‘sanctifyingly’ by making sure that she had everything she needed to be the woman God meant for her to be. He would give to her whatever would help advance her God-given talents and to use her gifts for the good of others. He would buy for her the things she needed for the good works that God has given her to do … and he’d never complain about it. He would also give her whatever she needed—and supply her with whatever she wanted—in order to be genuinely happy, and fulfilled, and truly lovely in his sight.

He would even be careful to sanctify her with his words. He would never tear her down or speak harshly and destructively to her—intimidating her with the utterances of his mouth. Instead, he’d be very careful to ‘cleans her with the washing of water by the word’. I talked with my wife about this. She told me that she knows—whenever I ask her what she’s reading in the Bible—that I’m not just interested in knowing what she’s reading … but also in knowing that she’s reading! It’s my job to encourage her in the word.

Now; that’s what Jesus did for His bride. He gave Himself for her in order to glorify and beautify her. And as it says in Romans 8:31-32;

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things? (Romans 8:31-32).

And there’s one more thing that we’re told should come from a husband loving his wife as Jesus loves the church; and that’s that …

3. HE SHOULD LOVE HER SYMBIOTICALLY.

That’s a strange word, isn’t it? But it basically means that two people live so close to one another—and depend on each other so much—that they supply life to each other. And that’s also how Jesus loves His church. In verses 28-30, the apostle Paul wrote, “So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.”

Those last few words are not in every ancient copy of the Book of Ephesians. But they nevertheless do reflect a great truth. When God saw that Adam was incomplete and in need of a helpmeet, He made Eve and brought her to him. And when Adam saw her, he said,

“This is now bone of my bones
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man” (Genesis 2:23).

That’s how close Eve was to Adam. That’s how close a husband is to consider his wife to be to him. He is to love her, and nurture her, and nourish her, and care for her as if she were his own body—his own flesh and bones. All that he has is hers; and all of her is all of him.

Do you know that Jesus prayed about this for His church? Just before He went to the cross for us, He prayed first for His apostles. And then, he prayed for those of us who would believe because of their testimony. And as I read this, just think of how closely Jesus desires to unite us to Himself forever:

“I do not pray for these alone, but also for those who will believe in Me through their word; that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us, that the world may believe that You sent Me. And the glory which You gave Me I have given them, that they may be one just as We are one: I in them, and You in Me; that they may be made perfect in one, and that the world may know that You have sent Me, and have loved them as You have loved Me. Father, I desire that they also whom You gave Me may be with Me where I am, that they may behold My glory which You have given Me; for You loved Me before the foundation of the world” (John 17:20-24).

That’s how closely Jesus desires to be united with us. That’s how—if I may put it this way—’symbiotic’ He wishes to be with us. And that’s a picture of how much a believing husband should love his own wife. He should never desire to be separate from or independent of her. He should love her so much that he desires to truly be one with her … and to love her as he loves his own body.

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Now; you may not be a husband with a wife. You may not even be married right now. But there’s one thing you can do; and that’s to allow the Holy Spirit to reveal to you the depth of Jesus’ love for you. I sincerely hope that you’ve placed your faith in what Jesus has done for you, and that you will grow in a greater appreciation of that love. And what’s more, I hope you will allow that love to transform how you love others. We may not be where we should be in all this yet; but we can ask the Holy Spirit to help us grow.

And if you are a husband, I hope you will especially let that love transform how you treat your own wife. A believing husband should love his own wife as Jesus loves His own church.

It’s a part of what leads to true happiness.

AE