THE WISE WOMAN OF TEKOA

Posted by Pastor Greg Allen on May 8, 2022 under 2022 |

Bethany Bible Church Mother’s Day Message; May 8, 2022 from 2 Samuel 14:1-24

Theme: We behave like our heavenly Father when we seek to end estrangement and restore broken relationships.

(All Scripture is taken from The New King James Version, unless otherwise indicated).

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Every Mother’s Day, it’s been our tradition to read from a story in the Bible about a notable woman of faith. It’s been a joy to do this, because there are so many great biblical heroines of faith to learn from. And this morning, I ask that we turn to 2 Samuel 14 to learn from the story of yet another.

Now; we don’t know the name of this woman. And we don’t know any details about her background. We only know her as ‘the wise woman of Tekoa’—which was a town not far south from Bethlehem. But her story has a very valuable lesson to teach us. The key verse of her story is 2 Samuel 14:14; where she says these wise words—preserved for us by the Holy Spirit:

“For we will surely die and become like water spilled on the ground, which cannot be gathered up again. Yet God does not take away a life; but He devises means, so that His banished ones are not expelled from Him (2 Samuel 14:14).

In these words, the wise woman of Tekoa reminds us that our heavenly Father is a good God who seeks out those who are alienated from Him, and who devises ways to restore the outcast to Himself. And her story teaches us that we behave very much like our heavenly Father when we also seek to end estrangement and restore broken relationships.

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Now; the story of this wise woman of Tekoa stands out wonderfully. But that’s mostly because her story is a small part of a much larger story that is filled with sin, and sorrow, and resentment, and broken relationships. She seems like a shining light in the midst of a whole lot of darkness. And to appreciate God’s message to us through this wise woman, we need to know some of the sad facts about that larger story.

That larger story began when King David became guilty of a horrible sin. He had committed adultery with the wife of a soldier in his army. Her name was Bathsheba; and she became pregnant with David’s child. Rather than confessing his terrible sin, David sought to cover it up. And when he found that he couldn’t do so, David simply arranged to have his general Joab put her husband on the front lines of battle in order to be killed; and then he married Bathsheba. So; David committed the two horrible sins of adultery and murder—and sought to cover it all up with a marriage.

God confronted David about this terrible sin. But even though what David did was deserving of death, God didn’t demand David’s life. Instead, He forgave David. But He told David that, because of this sin, there would be consequences. The sword would never depart from David’s house. God would raise up adversity against him from within his own family. And David—through his sin—became the troubler of his own household; and his own household became a source of terrible grief and division and sorrow to him from then on.

The troubles first showed themselves through David’s first-born son Amnon. Amnon would have been the successor of David’s throne. But Amnon himself committed a horrible sin. He lusted incestuously after his half-sister Tamar; and when the opportunity presented itself to him, he forced himself upon her and violated her. And after having done this terrible thing to her, he responded by hating her and thrusting her away. He completely shamed her and humiliated her and destroyed her life. When David heard about this, it must have grieved him greatly. He became very angry toward Amnon. But he didn’t do anything about it. It may have been that David felt the shame of his own sin; and perhaps he thought, “I have lost my moral authority over my own son; because I committed a similar sin myself.”

And the situation grew worse. Tamar was Amnon’s half-sister. But she was the full sister of Amnon’s half-brother Absalom. And Absalom bitterly hated Amnon for what he had done to her. But even he didn’t say anything to Amnon about it. Instead, Absalom allowed the bitterness and the resentment and hatred to grow and fester in him for a full two years.

Finally, after two years’ time had passed, Absalom announced to his father David that he was going to have a big celebration at his home. It was sheep-shearing season; and he wanted the family to come for the festivities. David turned down the offer and said that he would not come. And so, Absalom said, “If not, please let my brother Amnon go with us.” Now; when you read this part of the story, you get a feeling that David knew something was wrong with that request. But nevertheless, he consented; and he permitted Amnon to go. And just as you might have expected—at just the right moment—Absalom had his servants rise up during the festivities, and murder Amnon at his command.

When the news came to David of what had happened, he stood up, tore his clothes, and fell on the ground in sorrow. It must have grieved him dreadfully to think of what a horrible train-wreck his household had become … and how it was his own sin that had set it into motion. But once again, David did nothing to rebuke Absalom. David didn’t seek to bring his son to justice for having murdered his own brother. Just as before, it may have been that David had thought to himself, “I have lost all moral authority over my other son; because I had also committed murder.”

What a dreadful and tragic mess it had all become. Absalom fled from his father and dwelt with family in another country. He was away from David and his homeland for three whole years. And 2 Samuel 13:39 tells us that David’s heart began to change toward his son Absalom. It’s a little hard to tell just what that meant, or how his heart had changed. Most translations have it that David “longed to go out to Absalom”. But in the original language, it’s possible to understand this as meaning that David “ceased to go out to Absalom”. But however we understand this, it’s very clear that things were not right. David was estranged from Absalom; and Absalom was estranged from him; and there seemed to be nothing that was happening to reconcile them to one another and to bring all of this terrible estrangement to an end.

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Now; before we go any further, I have to ask. Is it possible that this story raises some feelings in you that you would prefer to leave alone? Does it bring up memories that you would prefer to forget? If my telling of this story makes that happen, then it may be that it’s the Holy Spirit’s way of reminding you of some ‘banished’ people in your own life—some family members or relations or friends with whom you are estranged and with whom you will no longer speak.

The Lord Jesus once said something about this in His Sermon on The Mount;

“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder, and whoever murders will be in danger of the judgment.’ But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment. And whoever says to his brother, ‘Raca!’ shall be in danger of the council. But whoever says, ‘You fool!’ shall be in danger of hell fire. Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Agree with your adversary quickly, while you are on the way with him, lest your adversary deliver you to the judge, the judge hand you over to the officer, and you be thrown into prison. Assuredly, I say to you, you will by no means get out of there till you have paid the last penny” (Matthew 5:21-26).

It’s not our heavenly Father’s will that such estrangement be allowed to exist in our lives—that is, if we ourselves can at all do something about it. He Himself sets the example in that He devises ways for estrangement to end; and for His banished ones to be reconciled to Him. And that’s why the story of ‘the wise woman of Tekoa’ has so much to teach us.

Her story begins, in 2 Samuel 14:1-3, with these words:

So Joab the son of Zeruiah perceived that the king’s heart was concerned about Absalom. And Joab sent to Tekoa and brought from there a wise woman, and said to her, “Please pretend to be a mourner, and put on mourning apparel; do not anoint yourself with oil, but act like a woman who has been mourning a long time for the dead. Go to the king and speak to him in this manner.” So Joab put the words in her mouth.

Obviously, David wouldn’t have known who this woman was. But Joab must have known enough about her to be able to trust her to perform this unusual task. And why did Joab do this? It was because Joab knew David better than anyone else. He saw that David was becoming crippled with anger and grief and longing over Absalom. It could even be that David was becoming incapable of ruling his people as he should. Estrangement has a way of not only bringing harm to those who are directly involved, but also upon everyone else.

And this teaches us an important principle: that in order to behave as God Himself behaves in this whole matter of estrangement, we must …

1. RECOGNIZE THAT ESTRANGEMENT HURTS.

This woman might have seen the problem too—and wanted to do something. So, she voluntarily accepted this request, memorized her lines, put on her costume, and went to David. We’re told in verses 4-8;

And when the woman of Tekoa spoke to the king, she fell on her face to the ground and prostrated herself, and said, “Help, O king!” Then the king said to her, “What troubles you?” And she answered, “Indeed I am a widow, my husband is dead. Now your maidservant had two sons; and the two fought with each other in the field, and there was no one to part them, but the one struck the other and killed him. And now the whole family has risen up against your maidservant, and they said, ‘Deliver him who struck his brother, that we may execute him for the life of his brother whom he killed; and we will destroy the heir also.’ So they would extinguish my ember that is left, and leave to my husband neither name nor remnant on the earth” (vv. 4-8).

Now; she eventually revealed the truth to David—that it was all an act. But she kept up the play-acting long enough to capture his heart and break down his resistance first. She acted out a story that would have appealed to David’s sense of mercy. She did this in order to show David how his own attitude of denying mercy, and holding on to resentment, and keeping himself from being restored to his son, was causing great harm.

In Hebrews 12:15, we’re told that—in pursuing holiness—we must be careful;

lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled (Hebrews 12:15).

Isn’t it amazing how much harm we can cause through “righteous indignation” … if we’re not careful to guard our own hearts?

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So; Kind David listened to the woman’s story. And in verse 8, we read;

Then the king said to the woman, “Go to your house, and I will give orders concerning you” (v. 8).

But it must be that this wise woman knew that David’s heart was not yet fully convicted. His response to her almost seems like a bit of a put-off. And that’s when she teaches us another important principle in being God’s instrument in bringing an end to estrangement; and that is that we must …

2. PURSUE RECONCILIATION WITH PERSISTENCE.

She kept on pressing in on David’s heart. Verse 9 says;

And the woman of Tekoa said to the king, “My lord, O king, let the iniquity be on me and on my father’s house, and the king and his throne be guiltless” (v. 10).

It was as if she was saying, “O King; if any injustice is done in not demanding justice in this case—that is, in not letting the crowd put my son to death—then let the guilt of that injustice fall upon me and not on you.” This further pressed the matter upon David’s heart. He thought of how much this woman was presenting herself as willing to suffer for the life of her son. His heart was beginning to soften. Verse 10 tells us;

So the king said, “Whoever says anything to you, bring him to me, and he shall not touch you anymore” (v. 10).

But it still wasn’t enough. She kept on. In verse 11, we read;

Then she said, “Please let the king remember the Lord your God, and do not permit the avenger of blood to destroy anymore, lest they destroy my son” (v. 11a).

Some translations have it that she was calling on David to swear before God that He would come to her defense. Other translations have it—as the translation that I’m using has it—that she was appealing to David to remember what the Lord Himself is like. He forgives sin … even grievous sin … as David knew very well from personal experience! And this really hit home for David;

And he said, “As the Lord lives, not one hair of your son shall fall to the ground” (v. 11b).

Sometimes, before reconciliation can sincerely be pursued, a hard heart has to be persuaded and melted a bit. And that sometimes means persistence. The wise woman of Tekoa was a great example of that kind of persistence.

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What’s more—if you ask me—she was also a great example of courage. What she did was very brave … going to the king and challenging his hardness of heart in this way. As we read on we find these words of rebuke toward the king in verses 12-14;

Therefore the woman said, “Please, let your maidservant speak another word to my lord the king.” And he said, “Say on.” So the woman said: “Why then have you schemed such a thing against the people of God? For the king speaks this thing as one who is guilty, in that the king does not bring his banished one home again. For we will surely die and become like water spilled on the ground, which cannot be gathered up again. Yet God does not take away a life; but He devises means, so that His banished ones are not expelled from Him (vv. 12-14).

Wow! She held the mirror right up to the face of King David and let him behold a guilty man! He was willing to give his efforts to the defense of this woman—to put an end to the estrangement of her son and show him mercy; but he was not willing to do that very same thing for his own son Absalom! She even went so far as to tell him that his refusal to do so was bringing harm to the people of God!

And please look very closely at verse 14. She said, “For we will all surely die and become like water spilled on the ground, which cannot be gathered up again.” It was as if she was very gently saying, “O King David; we only live on this earth for a short while. We have only just so many years of life. Then those years are gone and spent; and we can no more retrieve those lost opportunities than we could retrieve water that is poured out on the dry and dusty ground. Do you really want to squander those years in bitterness and in resentment and in estrangement from your son? Aren’t you wasting the only opportunity you may have to be reconciled to him?” What wise and convicting words these are! How many people lie on their deathbeds wishing that they had taken the opportunity that they had to make things right? But how few people lie on those deathbeds regretting that they brought an end to estrangement!

And she does more. She points to God the Father as the great example. She said, “Yet God does not take away a life; but He devises means, so that His banished ones are not expelled from Him.” If anyone would have a right to hold on to a grudge, it would be God! And yet, He doesn’t. He never compromises with sin, of course. But He nevertheless comes up with ways that the repentant sinner can be forgiven; and that the cause of the rift between Himself and the sinner can be taken out of the way; and that the sinner can be fully restored to fellowship with Him. That, too, is something that David—the forgiven sinner—knew very well!

This reminds us that, if we would seek reconciliation as we should, then we would …

3. POINT TO OUR FATHER AS THE EXAMPLE.

When we think of this, we can’t help but think of the greatest means that God ever devised in restoring His banished ones to Himself—so that they are no longer expelled from Him. When Adam and Eve sinned, they were expelled from the Garden of Eden. But then, God clothed them in skins. Something died in their place, as an atoning sacrifice for their sins. And that pointed ahead to the cross of Jesus Christ—where God gave His only begotten Son to bear the sins of fallen humanity upon Himself, and die in our place, so that the barrier of our sin can be completely removed. As Paul put it in 2 Corinthians 5:18-19;

Now all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation, that is, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not imputing their trespasses to them, and has committed to us the word of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:18-19).

Do you realize, then, what this woman’s story is telling us? The greatest motivation we could possibly have to end estrangement and bring about reconciliation is that that’s what God has done for us in the message of the gospel! She went on to say in verses 15-17;

Now therefore, I have come to speak of this thing to my lord the king because the people have made me afraid. And your maidservant said, ‘I will now speak to the king; it may be that the king will perform the request of his maidservant For the king will hear and deliver his maidservant from the hand of the man who would destroy me and my son together from the inheritance of God.’ Your maidservant said, ‘The word of my lord the king will now be comforting; for as the angel of God, so is my lord the king in discerning good and evil. And may the Lord your God be with you.’ ” (vv. 15-17).

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Now; at this point of the story, I believe that David was looking at this woman with a slightly-cocked eyebrow. He knew something was up. In verses 18-19, we read;

Then the king answered and said to the woman, “Please do not hide from me anything that I ask you.” And the woman said, “Please, let my lord the king speak.” So the king said, “Is the hand of Joab with you in all this?” And the woman answered and said, “As you live, my lord the king, no one can turn to the right hand or to the left from anything that my lord the king has spoken. For your servant Joab commanded me … (vv. 18-19a).

She confessed that it was so. But here’s where we see yet another example from this wise woman of what we need to do if we would behave like our heavenly Father, and help others end their estrangement; and that’s that we must …

4. ENCOURAGE THOSE WHO SEEK TO RECONCILE.

She didn’t apologize for having performed this bit of play-acting. She admitted that Joab had indeed sent her to David in order to exhort him;

and he put all these words in the mouth of your maidservant. To bring about this change of affairs your servant Joab has done this thing; but my lord is wise, according to the wisdom of the angel of God, to know everything that is in the earth” (vv. 19b-20).

And her words were well-received. Verses 21-22 tell us;

And the king said to Joab, “All right, I have granted this thing. Go therefore, bring back the young man Absalom.” Then Joab fell to the ground on his face and bowed himself, and thanked the king. And Joab said, “Today your servant knows that I have found favor in your sight, my lord, O king, in that the king has fulfilled the request of his servant” (vv. 21-22).

When we begin to see the heart yielding to the call to be reconciled—when we see someone beginning to take action to bridge the gap, and to pay the price, and to be restored to the one who had been banished from them—we ought to do all that we can to encourage it. To do so would be to behave like our Father.

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Now; there’s one more thing to learn from the wise woman of Tekoa. And that is that, when we are seeking to follow the example of our Father, and to help bring about reconciliation, we need to …

5. REMEMBER THAT RECONCILIATION TAKES TIME.

I wish I could tell you that things were alright immediately—that David ran to embrace Absalom and that Absalom ran to embrace David—and it was all a ‘happily-ever-after’ story right out of the gate. But no. That’s not how the story went. Verses 23-24 tell us;

So Joab arose and went to Geshur, and brought Absalom to Jerusalem. And the king said, “Let him return to his own house, but do not let him see my face.” So Absalom returned to his own house, but did not see the king’s face (vv. 23-24).

As we read on in this chapter, we find that it took another two years before David and Absalom even met. When they did, the king finally kissed his son. That long-time of left-over bitterness ended up costing David dearly. But it shows that, sometimes, the feelings of resentment don’t leave right away. They may take time. We need to give people such time.

Praise God that He takes such time with us.

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What great lessons we learn from this remarkable woman of faith—the wise woman of Tekoa. Let’s seek to be like her in the lives of others in that we diligently pursue the reconciliation of others around us. And let’s also make sure that we ourselves are ready to be reconciled toward those who are alienated from us.

As Jesus Himself declared;

Blessed are the peacemakers,
For they shall be called sons of God (Matthew 5:9).

AE