DEALING WITH HARD THINGS SOFTLY

Posted by Pastor Greg Allen on July 26, 2020 under 2020 |

Bethany Bible Church Sunday Message; July 26, 2020 from 2 Corinthians 1:23-2:4

Theme: When dealing with hard matters in God’s family, we must soften our approach with the love of Jesus.

(All Scripture is taken from The New King James Version, unless otherwise indicated).

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All of us have had hard times and strained relationships with others. It comes with being fallen human beings. But almost of us—I hope—have also had times when we’ve experienced the joy of reconciliation.

In those times, have you ever sat back with those with whom you were once at odds and talked about the experience? Now that the problem was resolved, and the relationship was restored, and love for one another now prevails, have you ever gone back and reviewed together how you tried to make things right? It’s a fascinating thing to do. You are able—with honesty and love; and maybe even with a laugh or two—to look backward and explain the feelings you had at the time, and what you might have tried to do to make things right again.

Well; in this morning’s passage in 2 Corinthians, the apostle Paul does just that. There had been a difficult strain in the relationship between himself and his brothers and sisters in Christ in the ancient city of Corinth. Things were much better now. Paul wrote 2 Corinthians—in part—to express his joy over the restored relationship. And now, with a joyful fellowship in Christ restored, he reflected in his letter on what it was that he had tried to do.

We find his words about it beginning in 2 Corinthians 1:23 and going on all the way to 2:4. Looking back to the past, and explaining his motives and feelings at the time, he wrote;

Moreover I call God as witness against my soul, that to spare you I came no more to Corinth. Not that we have dominion over your faith, but are fellow workers for your joy; for by faith you stand. But I determined this within myself, that I would not come again to you in sorrow. For if I make you sorrowful, then who is he who makes me glad but the one who is made sorrowful by me?

And I wrote this very thing to you, lest, when I came, I should have sorrow over those from whom I ought to have joy, having confidence in you all that my joy is the joy of you all. For out of much affliction and anguish of heart I wrote to you, with many tears, not that you should be grieved, but that you might know the love which I have so abundantly for you (2 Corinthians 1:23-2:4).

In these words, the apostle Paul gives us a valuable example. He shows us—by reviewing his own experience—how to deal with hard things in the family of God in a loving and gentle way.

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Now; you’ll notice that Paul said that, formerly, he had been hesitant to come to them. Instead, he said that he had written a letter to them so that he wouldn’t have to come to them in sorrow and make them feel bad. To understand this, a little background is necessary.

Way back in 1 Corinthians 5, Paul had written to the Corinthian church and had urged them to deal with a very serious problem of sin in their midst. There was a man within the church family—a professing Christian—who was living in an incestuous, sexual relationship with his own step-mother. How such a thing had come about isn’t told to us. But Paul wrote that such a shocking thing wasn’t even done among the unbelieving people around them. But that wasn’t the thing that concerned Paul the most. What most grieved him was that the church family was not dealing with the matter. In fact, the church was even proud of how tolerant they were about it.

A problem like this is a very serious matter; dear brothers and sisters in Christ! To allow immoral conduct like this to take root in the family of God—the blood-bought church of Jesus Christ—is to stand by and allow the holy assembly of God’s people to become defiled and corrupted. Many of us have seen what happens when a local church chooses to ignore sin in its midst. No local church that would allow such open sin as this to go undealt-with in its midst can ever be an effective witness for the Lord Jesus Christ. And more than that; such a church would be setting itself up to eventually suffer the harsh discipline of the Lord Jesus Himself! And so, Paul wrote to the Corinthians to explain why this was such a horribly serious matter—and why the church needed to repent immediately of its sinful pride, and to deal with the sinning church member immediately.

But they didn’t do it. In fact, it appears that some within the church began to rebel against Paul’s apostolic authority in response to his instructions. And this broke his heart and affected his plans toward them. He had been looking forward to coming to them and spending a good deal of time with them; but now, he felt he couldn’t. When we put the pieces of the story of his letters to Corinth together, it appears that he paid a short visit to them to try to deal with this problem. But it was a very sorrowful and hurtful visit—and he didn’t want to pay them another visit like it. So, he wrote a very harsh, very stern letter to them. He wished deeply that he hadn’t had to have written it; and it pained him greatly to have done so. It apparently also pained the Corinthians to have received it from him.

But the good news was that they repented. That’s why he was writing 2 Corinthians. He was expressing his joy over the fact that they turned from their sin, and dealt with the problem, and were now reconciled to him.

As we read on in 2 Corinthians 2, we see how Paul now urged them to deal gently with the sinning man, and to work toward restoring him fully. But this morning, I ask that we look closely at the words of our passage—and at the way Paul went back and reflected on how he carefully approached his brothers and sisters in dealing with the problem.

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Now; these words of Paul touch on a subject that makes a lot of people in church feel very uncomfortable. It’s the whole subject of ‘church discipline’. It’s the whole matter of how it is the duty of the local church to deal faithfully with sin in its midst.

This is not an optional matter. It’s something that the Lord Jesus commanded His people to do. In Matthew 18—in one of the very few passages in the Gospels in which He actually mentions the local church—the Lord Jesus said this:

“Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector. Assuredly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them” (Matthew 18:15-20).

These are the words of the Lord Jesus Christ—the Son of God. To disobey them is to disobey Him. We absolutely must practice church discipline. He even promises to be with us in it when we faithfully do as He says.

But what I have observed is that churches have been hesitant to obey this command because they often see it done in too harsh a manner. There have been many sad occasions when individual Christians were callously judgmental in their dealings with a brother or sister who as caught in sin; or when church leaders almost took pleasure in inflicting discipline upon someone. It’s a sad fact, it seems, that churches have often been guilty of falling to one of two wrongful extremes—either of becoming unreasonably and unfeelingly cruel in exercising discipline; or of avoiding discipline altogether so as not to appear harsh or cruel in the eyes of this world.

And I believe that this is why our passage this morning is so important. In it, the apostle Paul—looking back with his now-reconciled brothers and sisters, and reflecting on the experience of the past—bares his heart and shows us how he had pursued correction in a loving and careful way. He shows us that, when dealing with hard matters in God’s family, we must soften our approach with the love of Jesus.

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So then; looking back to the passage we find in 2 Corinthians 1:23-2:4, we discover seven principles of softening our approach when doing our duty to deal with a matter of sin in our midst.

First, look at what the apostle Paul wrote in verse 23 of Chapter 1. He said, “Moreover I call God as witness against my soul, that to spare you I came no more to Corinth.” And here, he said something very strong. He said that he called upon God to examine his inner-being—and to be a witness to the truthful condition of his heart—when he said that he wasn’t simply being flaky when he didn’t come to the Corinthians before.

It’s a pretty serious thing to invite God to look into your heart and bear testimony of your motives. It’s serious because God will do it! But Paul wasn’t afraid to ask for this. He was being real before the Corinthians because he was being real before God.

And this leads us to the first important principle we find in dealing with hard matters softly …

1. KEEP OPEN TO GOD.

When we deal with hard matters in a church family, it’s easy for the wrong motives to slip in. We can sometimes use the opportunity to elevate ourselves in pride over someone else. We can sometimes allow malice to take hold. We can use it as an opportunity to seek revenge upon someone—to pay them back in some way. There are all kinds of ways that the devil can take advantage of us in such times. As Paul put it in verse 11, we have to watch out that Satan isn’t allowed to “take advantage of us; for we are not ignorant of his devices.” And so, we desperately need to keep ourselves open to God’s inspection of our own hearts.

It’s good to pray what King David prayed in Psalm 139:23-24;

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting (Psalm 139:23-24).

It’s good to pray that at all times, of course. But it’s especially important to pray that prayer at times when we’re dealing with hard matters within the church family.

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Now; Paul kept an open heart toward God. He was able to say that God could bear witness to the sincerity of his motives when he said what he then went on to say. He said in verse 23; “Moreover I call God as witness against my soul, that to spare you I came no more to Corinth.”

Paul didn’t want to come to the Corinthians personally right then—and it wasn’t because he didn’t love them; but rather because he didn’t want to hurt them. He knew that if he came right then, he would end up being harsher toward them than would have been helpful to them—or in a way that would have been hurtful to his work toward them. He said that he wanted to “spare” them; or, as it can be translated, “to be tender toward” them. Paul was not being wimpy in not coming. Rather, he was being wise.

And his example leads us to another principle when dealing with hard things softly …

2. AVOID UNNECESSARY PAIN.

There are—without question—times when we must inflict pain. Dealing with matters of sin is rarely nice and easy. But we must be careful with each other so as not to inflict pain needlessly. A surgeon who is afraid to inflict pain when it is needed is irresponsible; but a surgeon who willingly inflicts more pain than is necessary is some kind of monster! And we must never be like either of them!

I love how the apostle Paul expressed this in 1 Thessalonians 5:14;

Now we exhort you, brethren, warn those who are unruly, comfort the fainthearted, uphold the weak, be patient with all (1 Thessalonians 5:14).

Aren’t those words beautiful? They teach us that we shouldn’t treat all matters and all people with exactly the same measure of severity. One size does not fit all. May God help us to have the wisdom to vary our approach according to the need—so that we never inflict pain needlessly in dealing with hard matters.

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So; Paul said in verse 23, “that to spare you I came no more to Corinth.” And in verse 24, he explained how his view of himself and his colleagues had motivated him in this: “Not that we have dominion over your faith, but are fellow workers for your joy; for by faith you stand.”

Now; Paul is making a remarkable statement in these words. He is letting his readers know that he did not view himself or his ministry colleagues as ‘lords’ over the faith of the Corinthian believers. He did not—in any way—view the Corinthians as obligated in their faith to himself or to any other spiritual leader. He viewed them to be just as free under the Lord Jesus Christ as he himself was. Their obligation ultimately was to Jesus; and Jesus Himself alone was their lord. Instead, Paul saw himself and his ministry partners as co-workers together with the Corinthians in regard to their faith in Jesus—and ultimately to their joy in Him.

And this leads us to another thing that we need to remember in dealing with hard things; and that is to …

3. RESPECT INDIVIDUAL RESPONSIBILITY (1:24).

Paul didn’t want to come harshly and command them to do things. If he had, they would have been compelled by his authoritative presence; and it would cause them to lose something of their sense of their personal obligation to Jesus. Paul said, “for by faith you stand”; and not by the harsh orders of men.

When I think of Paul’s words here I think of something that he said in another context. He warned the Christians in Rome not to be judgmental of others on matters of conscience; and wrote,

Who are you to judge another’s servant? To his own master he stands or falls. Indeed, he will be made to stand, for God is able to make him stand (Romans 14:4).

It is through God—by faith—that we stand. It’s true that we must call one another to obedience in matters of holiness; because those matters are from God—revealed to us in His word. It’s true that we must remind one another of what God commands us to do in the faith. But we must be very careful how we do that. It’s not our place to be one another’s ‘lord’ in that faith. It’s sometimes hard to find the balance in this; but we must always carefully strive to protect one another’s individual responsibility to Jesus Christ as their only lord and master.

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Now; in pursing this, Paul tells us that he had made a determination—a resolve. In the first verse of Chapter 2, he wrote, “But I determined this within myself, that I would not come again to you in sorrow.” When he had made that quick visit to them before, it had been a sorrowful one. He had to strongly reproach those who were refusing to deal with matters of sin. It wounded him to have to do that; and it also wounded the Corinthian believers. It left everyone sad. And he didn’t want to have to do that again.

And look at his reason. In verse 2, he wrote; “For if I make you sorrowful, then who is he who makes me glad but the one who is made sorrowful by me?” Isn’t that remarkable? It wasn’t simply that he didn’t want to have a bad experience again. It was that he wanted to protect the potential for good experiences in the future. He felt his soul bound up with theirs; and he depended on them for encouragement in his ministry and in his faith. If every visit was an unpleasant one—if he made them perpetually sad—how then would they ever be able to make him glad?

And so; this gives us another principle to follow when dealing with hard things in the church; and that is to …

4. PRESERVE MUTUAL DEPENDENCY (2:1-2).

Paul expressed this wonderfully later on in this letter. He had been concerned about whether or not the Corinthians loved him anymore. But when Titus came—and told him that the Corinthians had repented and that they loved him—he was overjoyed. In 7:5-7, he wrote;

For indeed, when we came to Macedonia, our bodies had no rest, but we were troubled on every side. Outside were conflicts, inside were fears. Nevertheless God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us by the coming of Titus, and not only by his coming, but also by the consolation with which he was comforted in you, when he told us of your earnest desire, your mourning, your zeal for me, so that I rejoiced even more (2 Corinthians 7:5-7).

Things were hard at first. But Paul was careful in his approach to protect the potential for mutual care later. He was careful not to make them overly sorrowful; so that later on, he could be made glad by them. We should always deal with each other in such a way as to preserve our future gladness together.

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Now; Paul then went on to tell them that this was why he wrote a harsh letter to them rather than make a harsh visit to them. In verse 3, he explained, “And I wrote this very thing to you, lest, when I came, I should have sorrow over those from whom I ought to have joy …” He wrote, in other words, so that repentance could happen before he had to come and make a sorrowful visit again. He wanted to come in a state of joy.

And then, he added this amazing affirmation; “having confidence in you all that my joy is the joy of you all.” Paul’s joy was wrapped up in their joy; and their joy was wrapped up in Paul’s joy—so that neither of them could have full joy without the joy of the other. This teaches us yet another principle to follow in dealing with hard things; and that is to …

5. WORK TOWARD SHARED JOY.

The ultimate experience of that joy will be on the day when we all stand together before Jesus Christ—hearing Him say to one another, “Well done!” There can be no greater joy for us than that! Paul even expressed that same sort of thing once to the Thessalonian believers. In 1 Thessalonians 2:19-20, Paul wrote;

For what is our hope, or joy, or crown of rejoicing? Is it not even you in the presence of our Lord Jesus Christ at His coming? For you are our glory and joy” (1 Thessalonians 2:19-20).

Just think, dear brothers and sisters. If we viewed ourselves in Christ as so bound together in our joy that my joy is your joy—and your joy is my joy—and that our ultimate experience of joy will be that of rejoicing over one another on the day of Jesus’ return—wouldn’t that make a big difference in how we approach one another in dealing with hard matters?

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Now; look at verse 4. Paul was no stoic and dispassionate theologian. He often had to wipe tears off of the parchments of the letters that he wrote. And we find that, when he wrote the harsh letter to the Corinthians, he expressed very deep emotion. He said, “For out of much affliction and anguish of heart I wrote to you, with many tears …” He had to write some hard things to the Corinthians. But he hated to have to do so; because he knew that the things that he had to say would hurt grieve them.

And this teaches us yet another principle in dealing with hard things in the family of God; and that is to …

6. EXPERIENCE GENUINE EMPATHY.

We sometimes think that, if we allow ourselves to feel the pain of a rebuke that we are giving to someone, it somehow compromises that rebuke. But it really doesn’t. If you think about it, God in heaven exacted the punishment for our sins upon His Son. And yet, Jesus wasn’t somehow separated from the pain of it all. He felt every bit of it. As the prophet Isaiah has said;

Surely He has borne our griefs
And carried our sorrows;
Yet we esteemed Him stricken,
Smitten by God, and afflicted.
But He was wounded for our transgressions,
He was bruised for our iniquities;
The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,
And by His stripes we are healed (Isaiah 53:4-5).

On those occasions when we need to deal with hard things with one another, we shouldn’t be afraid to feel the pain of doing so. It softens the blow. After all, our Lord Himself felt the pain of His Father’s punishment of our sin.

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Now; Paul loved his Corinthian brothers and sisters; and that’s why it had hurt to write to them in the way that he did. He told them in verse 4 that he wrote with tears, “not that you should be grieved, but that you might know the love which I have so abundantly for you.”

And that leads us to one more, very important principle in dealing with hard things in a soft way. It may be the most important principle of all. And that is to …

7. MAKE SINCERE LOVE KNOWN .

The love that Paul spoke of is agape love—the self-sacrificing kind of love that Jesus showed toward us on the cross. Paul wrote about it in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8; and as I read it to you, just think of how it would impact the way we would deal with hard things toward one another:

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a).

That is nothing less than a picture of Jesus in His love for us!

Dear brothers and sisters; there will be times when we have to deal with hard things with each other. To not do so is to not obey our Lord. But we soften the blow greatly when, while we do so, we love each other like Jesus loves us.

Click HERE for the live-stream archive of this sermon.

Click HERE for the audio version of this sermon.

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