BEARING A WITNESS WITHIN THE BOND OF MATRIMONY – 1 Corinthians 7:10-16

Posted by Pastor Greg Allen on January 20, 2019 under 2019 |

Bethany Bible Church Sunday Message; January 20, 2019 from 1 Corinthians 7:10-16

Theme: God calls us to bear a witness for Christ within marriage—whatever our situation.

(All Scripture is taken from The New King James Version, unless otherwise indicated).

In the morning, as I get my breakfast ready, I enjoy listening in to the local news station. And over the past year or so, I’ve been noticing a disturbing trend. I wonder if you have noticed it too. There has been an increasing number of ads on the radio for law firms that specialize in divorces—specifically for men.

I know of at least two different law firms that are now regularly advertising several times throughout the day. There may be more. I don’t know if this means that there are more divorces now than there were a year ago; but it does at least suggest to me that divorce is becoming more accepted and mainstreamed into our culture.

I thought about this earlier this week as I began studying this morning’s passage. It’s found in 1 Corinthians 7—a whole chapter of his letter that he had devoted to the subject of God’s will for our lives regarding marriage. And in this morning’s passage, Paul wrote specifically of divorce and remarriage.

In verses 10-16, the apostle wrote;

Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.

But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife? (1 Corinthians 7:10-16).

Given the current nature of the times, I’d say that Paul’s words are remarkably relevant. And if those ads suggest anything to us, they certainly suggest we should listen carefully to what the Scriptures are telling us. It is something that our Lord very deeply cares about.

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Now; before we begin to deal with what this passage teaches us about this important and sensitive subject, dear brothers and sisters, I ask that we keep the main thing ‘the main thing’. That ‘main thing’ is that—as believers—we must faithfully and obediently live-out every area of our lives in such a way as to point other people to God’s saving grace through Jesus Christ.

When I affirm that, I’m not somehow adding emphasis to this passage that isn’t really there. We can see it simply by looking at what Paul says at the end of this passage. In verse 16, he asks, “For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?” You can see, then, that this is a major concern in what the Holy Spirit is teaching us in this passage—that we faithfully represent Christ to others by our marriage, or that we faithfully influence an unsaved husband or wife within our marriage to place their faith in Jesus Christ and be saved.

In 2 Corinthians 2:15-16, Paul reminds us that we are “to God the fragrance of Christ among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing.” To one, we are an aroma of the life that comes through Jesus; and we are to so live as to persuade those who ‘pick-up’ on that fragrance to, themselves, love Him and trust in Him for salvation. To the other, we are an aroma of the death that comes from eternal judgment from rejecting the Savior; but even then, we hope nevertheless to persuade them to repent and believe. This is to be true of us in every area of life—that we’re to be constantly living in such a way as to point to Jesus. That includes matters of marriage (and even toward that man, dear sister, who is your own husband; or toward that woman, dear brother, who is your own wife).

God calls us to bear a witness for Christ in every situation of life; and that would include the various situations of marriage in which God has called us—whether that marriage is between two professing believers, or whether it is a marriage between a believer and a non-believer; or in cases in which the marriage is easy and happy, or difficult and troubled.

And to help us in that, I believe that the apostle Paul gives us five principles to follow so that we bear a witness for Jesus in whatever marital situation we may be.

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Now; as we learned in our last time together, Paul was answering some questions that were written to him by the Corinthian believers. In the first 9 verses of this chapter, Paul dealt with the whole issue of singleness. Considering the times they were living in, the Corinthians wanted to know: Is it good and right to be married?

That question had to do with those who were not married or who were considering whether or not to become married. But now, in verse 10, he began to deal with a whole new category; that is, those who are already married. And he started off by affirming a fundamental principle …

1. DO NOT SEEK TO SEVER THE MARRIAGE.

In verses 10, he wrote; “Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband.” And then, in verse 11, he adds, “And a husband is not to divorce his wife.”

Now; why did Paul say that he was giving a command; and yet not him, but the Lord? It was because in starting off with this first principle, he was simply reminding the Corinthians of what the Lord Jesus had already said about the matter. The Lord had been confronted once by the Pharisees who had asked him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” They were trying to test Him by asking Him a controversial question. They believed that in the Old Testament law, Moses permitted a man to divorce his wife, for any reason, by simply writing a certificate of divorce and handing it to her. But Jesus went all the way back to the Genesis story and said;

“Because of the hardness of your heart, he wrote you this precept. But from the beginning of the creation, God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Mark 10:5-9).

Divorce was never meant to be a part of God’s design for marriage. Later on, His disciples asked Him about this; and He explained to them,

“Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery” (vv. 11-12).

That was quite a thing to say! The disciples were stunned by it. But the Lord Jesus was pointing His disciples back to the original intention of God in marriage. The two—the husband and the wife—are joined together in marriage in such a way that they are no longer two separate individuals, but are now permanently joined together as one flesh in God’s sight. This remarkable relationship was something that was not to be severed. Elsewhere in Scripture, the Lord taught that the only exception to this was in the case of adultery. If one member of the marriage violated that sacred ‘one-flesh’ unity by joining intimately with someone else, then the innocent spouse could divorce them. But that was the only exception the Lord spoke of. And apart from that one exception, the marriage bond was not to be severed.

And so, Paul was pointing his Corinthian brothers and sisters back to that basic word of instruction from our Lord. He was showing them—from the words of our Lord Himself—that the husband must not divorce his wife, and the wife must not divorce her husband. They are to bear witness to the Lord’s original design by not severing the relationship once it had been formed.

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Now; Paul, it seems to me, recognized the hard realities of life in a fallen world. He knew that, sometimes, some terrible things can happen within a marriage. He knew that, when it comes to life in a fallen world, sometimes a separation is necessary. But even if someone must depart from a difficult or dangerous situation—or even if they go so far as to secure a legal divorce—they must not remarry. They must …

2. PROTECT THE POSSIBILITY OF RESTORATION.

This is a second principle that Paul teaches us. After saying that a wife should not depart from her husband, Paul wrote, “But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband.”

That’s something that is hard for this fallen world to accept; isn’t it? But we must remember that we are not looking at things from the world’s standpoint anymore. When we placed our trust in Jesus, we become His followers in all areas of life—even in our thinking; and we are now to look at things from His standpoint. And how does He—as our Lord and Master, and as the divine Designer of marriage—see this union? He sets it before us as a picture of His own relationship with us as His redeemed people.

The apostle Paul wrote about this wonderfully in Ephesians 5. He said;

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband (Ephesians 5:22-33).

And so; that’s why even in the case of a separation or divorce between two professing believers—except in the case of adultery—we must not remarry. We must protect the possibility of that wayward spouse repenting, and resubmitting themselves to Christ, and allowing Him to transform them, and of a restoration happening. We must protect that possibility because marriage is a picture of our Lord’s relationship with His church. And nothing will ever separate us from His love.

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Now; you may notice in verse 12 that Paul said something very unusual. He wrote, “But to the rest I, not the Lord, say …”

Many have taken this to be as if Paul was saying, “Now; so far, I have spoken to you by the authority of the Lord. But now, I’m no longer speaking as if I was inspired by the Holy Spirit. Now I’m just giving you my own human opinion.” But that’s not what Paul is doing at all. What he is doing is simply saying that when it came to the matter of divorce, he was quoting something that the Lord already taught in His earthly ministry; but now, when it came to this next matter, he does not have a quote to offer from the Lord, but rather offers an instruction that he is now being given by the Holy Spirit for God’s people.

You see; Paul is about to address the matter of what is to be done in the case of someone who is married to a non-Christian. What should they do? And obviously, that would not have been an issue that the Lord would have taken up during His earthly ministry when the Old Covenant was still in place. This, you might say, is a New Covenant commandment for a New Covenant situation; and so it requires a new word from the Holy Spirit.

And this is important to point out; because I believe that this is the real question that the Corinthians had for Paul. He touched on the matter of our Lord’s teaching on divorce in order to lay the groundwork; but now, he gets to the real question that they wrote to him about: If I am a believer who is married to a non-believer, is that marriage wrong? Is the spiritual difference between us so great that I should now divorce my unbelieving spouse?

You might think that that’s a pretty wild interpretation. But remember that these Corinthian Christians would have been reading the Old Testament. They might have remembered the story of the people of Israel in the times of Ezra and Nehemiah. Back in those times—after they had returned from their captivity in Babylon—many of the Jewish men had disobeyed God and had married foreign wives. In order for God’s blessings to be restored to Israel, the drastic and painful measure had to be taken to rectify this great act of disobedience; and these men were commanded to put away their foreign wives. It may be that the Corinthian Christians were wondering if the same thing was required of them. I believe that that’s what they were writing to Paul about.

And so; Paul gives them a third principle …

3. REMAIN IN A WILLINGLY-MIXED MARRIAGE.

In verses 12-13, Paul wrote; “But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him.”

You see; the gospel of Jesus had come powerfully upon the people of Corinth through the preaching of Paul and his ministry team. Many people—from many walks of life—turned to Jesus and believed on Him as their Savior. And it must have been the case—just as happens often today—that many husbands became followers of Jesus while their wives did not; or that many wives became followers of Jesus while their husbands did not. Suddenly, they found themselves in a mixed marriage. What were they now to do?

I feel very sure that this was what Paul had in mind because of what he wrote in the very next passage. In verses 17-24, he told them;

But as God has distributed to each one, as the Lord has called each one, so let him walk. And so I ordain in all the churches. Was anyone called while circumcised? Let him not become uncircumcised. Was anyone called while uncircumcised? Let him not be circumcised. Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing, but keeping the commandments of God is what matters. Let each one remain in the same calling in which he was called. Were you called while a slave? Do not be concerned about it; but if you can be made free, rather use it. For he who is called in the Lord while a slave is the Lord’s freedman. Likewise he who is called while free is Christ’s slave. You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men. Brethren, let each one remain with God in that state in which he was called (1 Corinthians 7:17-24).

We will—the Lord willing—take up that passage at a future time; and talk about it in a bit more detail. But you can see that it was meant to give believers instructions on what happens when they come to Christ by faith. They were not to suddenly, drastically quit all of their lives and start over from scratch. Rather, they were to stay were they were, in the circumstances of life, at the time that God providentially called them to Himself.

This would include marriage. If they were married to someone, then they should not try to change that circumstance when they came to Christ. God had called them to Himself in that marriage; and He wanted them to live for Him in that marriage.

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And this has tremendous importance to the next principle that he gave them; that, in whatever situation they were called in—and particularly in their marriage and family life—they were to …

4. TRUST THE POWER OF A BELIEVER’S INFLUENCE.

In verse 14, he told them that, if their unbelieving spouse is willing to continue to remain with them, they were to remain in and give themselves over completely to that marriage; “For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.”

To “sanctify” or to make “holy” does not mean that an unbeliever is now automatically “saved” because they are married to a believer. Rather, it simply means that they are now in a sanctified and holy situation; because they are in a close relationship with a believer—as close, in fact, as a non-believer can be; and they are now the beneficiaries of a very sanctifying influence.

People sometimes think that, by being around unbelievers, a believer somehow loses his or her sanctification. But that’s not true. If that believer is faithfully walking with Christ, then what Paul is telling us is that their influence—their ‘holy fragrance from God’ through Christ—is a more powerful influence than the unbelieving elements around them. Jesus always causes us to triumph in Him! And so, Paul is urging these believers to stay put; and to continue to bring their sanctifying influence upon their unbelieving spouse.

The apostle Peter wrote something that shines a light on this. In 1 Peter 3:1-6, he wrote;

Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel—rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror (1 Peter 3:1-6).

And believing husbands can also bring the sanctifying influence of Christ upon their unbelieving wife.

Now; understand—this is not permission to marry an unbeliever. The apostle Paul will tell us later in this passage that it would not be God’s will for a believer to do this. But when someone comes to Christ, and their spouse does not, they can still—nevertheless—have a sanctifying influence upon their unbelieving husband or wife.

And this is also true with respect to the children that come from that marriage. A sanctifying influence can be brought upon them. Without that believer being present, the children are ‘unholy’. They have no sanctifying influence in their lives. But with a believing mother or father, they are ‘holy’ in the sense that they have that sanctifying influence in their lives.

That influence can be very powerful. We even have an example of it in the Bible. In Acts 16, we’re told about how—in one of his missionary journeys—Paul came upon a young man named Timothy. We’re told that he was “the son of a certain Jewish woman who believed, but his father was Greek” (Acts 16:1). Apparently, Timothy grew up in a mixed family—his mother being a believer and his father being an unbeliever. But his mother was able to bring her sanctifying influence to bear in the life of Timothy. And what a powerful influence it was! Paul later told of how fondly he thought of Timothy;

when I call to remembrance the genuine faith that is in you, which dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice, and I am persuaded is in you also (2 Timothy 1:5).

In fact, Paul later on told Timothy that he must continue in the things he had been taught from his believing mother and grandmother;

knowing from whom you have learned them, and that from childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus (3:14-15).

Dear brothers and sisters; let’s never doubt the power that the godly influence a believing wife or a believing husband can bring upon an unbelieving family. Let’s make sure that—if we’re in that kind of a situation—we walk faithfully with the Lord and let Him use us to spread the fragrance of Himself to others.

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Now sadly, we must recognize that an unbelieving husband or an unbelieving wife may not be willing to have that influence brought upon them. There may be situations in which that unbeliever may say, “I’m sick and tired of your ‘Jesus’. I don’t want anything to do with Him or with your religion. It’s either Jesus or me—and if it’s going to be Jesus, then I’m leaving.”

That has been a sad reality for many. An unbelieving spouse is not willing to stay. What is to be done then? This leads us to a final principle that Paul gave; and that is to …

5. PERMIT THE UNWILLING UNBELIEVER TO LEAVE.

In verse 15, Paul wrote, “But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace.”

Elsewhere in the Bible, Paul wrote, “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men” (Romans 12:18). That is to be our guiding principle. But there are times—even in marriage—where, in spite of ‘as much as depends on us’, it is not possible to live peaceably. And if that happens—and if the unbelieving spouse wants a divorce because of our faith—then we must let them have what they want. We must not resist them.

You’ll notice that Paul said that the brother or sister is “not under bondage in such cases”. And I believe that this means that a believer who has been deserted in this way by their unbelieving spouse is free to remarry. I find that, later on in this chapter, Paul wrote about those who are “loosed” from a wife. He recommended that, because of the times, they not to seek another wife. “But even if you do marry, you have not sinned” (v. 28). I believe this means that they have the freedom in such a case to remarry. But it should not be done hastily—only when it is absolutely certain that there is no longer any possibility of repentance and reconciliation.

And in that regard, notice Paul’s final words in verse 16: “For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?” Since we cannot know, we must allow that unwilling spouse to go if they wish.

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But once again, this reminds us of the main emphasis that Paul brings to all of this. In all of these possible situations of marriage, God’s call for us is to always point faithfully to Jesus.

In whatever situation we are, may we—by the Spirit’s help—bear witness to Him!

EA