HUSBANDS WHO HONOR

Posted by Pastor Greg Allen on January 2, 2019 under AM Bible Study |

AM Bible Study Group: January 2, 2019 from 1 Peter 3:7

Theme: The believing husband is to demonstrate submission to Christ by his gracious conduct toward his own wife.

(All Scripture is taken from The New King James Version, unless otherwise indicated).

In Ephesians 5:25-33, we’re told of how the Lord Jesus behaves toward His Bride—the Church. This is set before us as example that men of God are to follow in their treatment of their own wives. As we come to 1 Peter 3:7, we find that the Holy Spirit teaches us more on this same theme through what He led the apostle Peter to write:

Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered (1 Peter 3:7).

Three things ought to be kept in mind as we approach this one, very important verse of Scripture. The first thing has to do with the phrase “weaker vessel”. When Peter used that phrase, we should not understand him to have been saying that a woman is fundamentally weaker as a person than a man. Nor was Peter in any way suggesting that women are somehow inferior to men. The word “vessel” refers strictly to her physical body (see 1 Thessalonians 4:4). In many ways, a man’s wife may be much stronger psychologically and emotionally and intellectually than him. But generally speaking, the precious soul of a man’s wife is carried about in a “vessel” that is physically smaller and not as muscular as his own. Peter’s words, then, have nothing to do with the value or worth of one gender over another. He is strictly speaking in reference to the differences between a woman’s and a man’s physical bodies.

Second, as a careful reading of the passage in Ephesians 5 would make clear to us, Peter is giving a command that is not meant for any man to try to keep in his own power (see especially Ephesians 5:18). He must be a man who is indwelt by the Holy Spirit, and empowered by Him to behave like Jesus toward his wife. To keep this command, a man must first have entered into a relationship with Jesus by faith; and then must be personally transformed by the love of Jesus through the Spirit’s indwelling ministry.

And third, we must remember the larger theme that Peter was dealing with in this portion of his letter. This is identified to us by the way that Peter began this verse; saying, “Husbands, likewise …” (see also 3:1). The “likewise” has its reference point in 1 Peter 2:11-12; where Peter wrote;

Beloved, I beg you as sojourners and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts which war against the soul, having your conduct honorable among the Gentiles, that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may, by your good works which they observe, glorify God in the day of visitation (2:11-12).

The apostle Peter was calling his believing brothers and sisters to live in such a way as to properly represent the gospel of Jesus Christ to the people of the world around them. As Peter then goes on to say, one very important way that the people of this world will see a difference in us is in how we conduct ourselves in the various relationships into which God has placed us—with respect to our obligations to civil authorities and governmental leaders, for example; or toward those who are over us in work relationships. Does the watching world see us submitting ourselves faithfully to these different relationships with an attitude of greater submission to the Lord Jesus that we claim to follow?

In our last study, we considered what the apostle Peter said to wives in this connection (vv. 1-6). They were to submit—first and foremost—to the Lord Jesus; and then, under His authority, to their own husbands. And just as Peter began his exhortation to the wives with the word “likewise” (pointing back to our primary submission to the Lord Jesus in conducting ourselves in the relationships within which He places us), he now does so again in his exhortation to husbands. “Husbands, likewise …”

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A believing husband is called, in this verse, to be submitted to the Lord Jesus Christ in his treatment of his wife; and this is shown to us in two respects. First, he is to do so …

1. IN RESPECT TO HIS OUTWARD ACTIONS

This verse begins with these words; “Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding …” This a call for the husband to submit to Christ through his presence with her physically and emotionally; and to show forth a true relational connection with her. In other words, he is to “dwell with” his wife.

Obviously, this would mean much more than simply sharing the same living space with his wife. In Colossians 4:19, Paul writes, “Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.” Whenever tensions occur, it’s very tempting for a husband to either pull away and withdraw in bitterness—not wanting to be present with her; or to respond to her harshly—thus driving her away. A man can thus live in a house with his wife; and yet, not really be ‘present’ with her. To obey this command means that a man doesn’t withdraw emotionally or push away relationally. Putting the matter into action, he is to give his time to her. He is to ‘draw in close’ to her. He is to do things together with her. He is to pray with her. He is to deliberately spend quiet times in the home together with her. Really, this means nothing less than to behave toward her in the way that Jesus Himself has behaved in drawing close to us. He has drawn as close to us as possible—even to the point of His having come to this earth to dwell among us, and of having promised to take us to Himself one day so that we can live in eternal glory with Him forever. He has told us, “and lo, I am with you always” (Matthew 28:20). In Christ, a husband is to do the same with his own wife.

Peter goes on to say, “Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding …” The believing husband is to be submitted to Christ with an attitude of understanding toward his wife. Sometimes, husbands tend to say that it’s impossible to understand their wives. But that’s not something that the husband who is in Christ should ever say—or ever use as an excuse. It may be true that, at times, it is difficult and challenging for him to understand his wife as he should. After all, she is made by God to be his complement in life; and for that reason, she may seem quite a bit different from him in many ways. But he is nevertheless commanded to work hard at growing to understand her.

A husband is to, as it were, ‘enroll’ in the school of ‘understanding his wife’, and make it his personal course of study to get to know her well—to grow familiar with her unique qualities and styles and likes and dislikes—to become a ‘scholar’ of his own wife’s unique preferences and needs. To do so is to behave just as Jesus behaves toward us. The Bible tells us that He ‘comprehends our path and our lying down, and is acquainted with all our ways’ (Psalm 139:3).

Finally, when it comes to his actions toward his wife, the believing husband is told to submit to Christ in tenderness toward her. In the original language of this letter, Peter writes; “Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding as to the weaker vessel …” In other words, a part of the husband’s Christ-submitted understanding of his wife involves remembering that she is—generally speaking—built with a more delicate physical frame than he is; and to therefore treat her accordingly.

Now; as we stressed earlier, this phrase is only speaking of her physical body—not of her essential nature or of her emotional or spiritual qualities. The husband is therefore to submit to Christ in acting respectfully toward her “as to the weaker vessel.” And in practice, this means that he is to show all courtesies to his wife—to do those physical things for her that she wishes to have done, and that are truly helpful and thoughtful toward her. These things may vary from one husband/wife relationship to another; and this is why a man needs to dwell with his own wife in an ‘understanding’ way. But whatever it may mean for a particular man to respect his own wife as “the weaker vessel”; doing so is characteristic of men who are followers of Jesus Christ. Such conduct helps to show that Jesus is their Lord; and shows that they believe the biblical instruction to “Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who … made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant …” (Philippians 2:5, 7).

Now; a believing man can perform all the right actions toward his wife outwardly, but still, nevertheless, hold on to a bad attitude toward her inwardly. He can perform these outward actions with a grudging spirit; or he can do them in such a way as merely to be seen by others. And if he isn’t sincerely submitted to Christ in his attitude toward his wife as well as in his actions, he is not really submitted to Christ at all.

And so, a believing husband is also called to be submitted to Christ in his treatment of his wife …

2. IN RESPECT TO HIS INNER ATTITUDE.

First, the apostle Peter tells the husband to be submitted to Christ with a genuine attitude of godly respect for her. Peter describes this as “giving honor to the wife …” The word that Peter uses here is one that means to “assign” something or “bestow forth” something. It gives us the picture of a wife who truly has worth and value and respect and honor in the eyes of her husband because he ‘bestows forth’ that respect to her. He is to treat her as Christ treats His church—as a royal bride. He is to do for her what the apostle Paul wrote about in Philippians 2:3; “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.” The husband thus submits to Christ in the right attitude by viewing his wife as worthy of honor and esteem and respect.

Second, he is to see himself with her “as being heirs together of the grace of life …” He is to submit to Christ by living with an attitude of mutuality with her; viewing her as a full partner in the wonderful gift of life on this earth that God has given them together. He’s not to try to run things without her, or make major plans without first consulting with her. He’s not to spend money on large purchases—or on himself—without taking her into full consideration and making himself accountable to her. He is to view her as his full partner; and he needs to treat her as such. This takes seriously what it says in Philippians 2:4—”Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also or the interest of others”; and applies it to the marriage relationship. (And it may even be that Peter’s call to live “as being heirs together of the grace of life” means more than just this life on earth only. It’s certainly true that if his wife is a believer, he needs to treat her as if she—along with him—is a full heir of the grace of eternal life through Christ; living with her today as someone with whom he enjoys salvation, and with whom he will dwell forever in the bliss of the Father’s house in heavenly glory.)

And finally, Peter tells the husband that he must hold a proper attitude toward his wife with reverence toward God. Peter urges the believing husband to treat his wife carefully—with diligent submission to the Lord—“that your prayers may not be hindered.” If a believing husband fails to treat his wife properly through his presence with her, and with understanding toward her, and in tenderness to her; and if he fails to hold the proper attitudes toward her by showing respect to her, and with a sense of mutuality in life with her—and all with reverent submission to the Lord—then God will withhold His blessings from that man. This is in complete conformity with what the Lord Jesus said in His Sermon on The Mount;

“Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First, be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift” (Matthew 5:23-24).

God cares very much about our relationships with one another. And this is just as much true with respect to a man’s relationship with his own wife as with anyone else. If a man treats his wife wrong, and he then comes to God in prayer and asks for something, he should not expect that God will honor that prayer until he makes things right with his wife.

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Now; this gives husbands clear instruction with respect to his own wife. But the implications of this instruction are very great and very wide-reaching. If a man of God submits himself to the Lord Jesus as he should, he will find valuable and practical instruction in this verse even if he is not a married man. If he is, for example, a young man living under the authority of his parents, this verse will teach him how to treat his mother and his sisters in a way that pleases the Lord. Or if he is an unmarried man, or divorced, or widowed, this verse will—to some degree, and with the utmost holiness and propriety—help him to be a Christ-like man toward the women God has placed in his life. But most specifically, it is intended to teach a godly husband how to treat his wife; and to represent the Lord Jesus to this world by becoming a reverent, God-submitted, Christlike gentleman toward her.

And let’s rest assured that, if a man of God truly first submits himself fully and wholeheartedly to the Lord Jesus—allowing Jesus’ love to transform him in the process by the indwelling Holy Spirit—he will have no problem whatsoever in keeping the command that Peter gives us in this verse. It will, in fact, be his delight to obey.

EA