HONORING ‘REALLY WIDOWS’

Posted by Pastor Greg Allen on April 6, 2025 under 2024 |

Bethany Bible Church Sermon Message, preached April 6, 2025 from 1 Timothy 5:3-16

Theme: The church is to honor those who are ‘really widows’ by providing faithfully for their care.

(All Scripture is taken from The New King James Version, unless otherwise indicated).

Click HERE for the video archive of this sermon.

Click HERE for the audio version of this sermon.

There is a particular group within our church family that doesn’t get the attention and appreciation it deserves. And I look forward to looking together with you at this morning’s Scripture passage; because it helps to correct that error. The passage is 1 Timothy 5:3-16 … and the subject is the care we’re to show toward the widows within the church family.

* * * * * * * * * *

Now; I’d like to begin by drawing your attention first to what the apostle Paul wrote in 1 Timothy 5:1-2. We looked at this passage in our last time together. In it, Paul—in laying out some rules and principles for the conduct of life within the church—told Pastor Timothy;

Do not rebuke an older man, but exhort him as a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, with all purity (1 Timothy 5:1-2).

In writing this, Paul was telling Timothy that every person within the church family needed to be shown the particular kind of respect that was due to them in terms of their place within the family. I’ve taken this to be the standard rule that we’re to embrace in dealing with the various groups within the church that Paul went on to describe in Chapters 5-6. And in this morning’s passage, we look at what he wrote about the very first group that he drew attention to. In verses 3-16, he wrote,

Honor widows who are really widows. But if any widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show piety at home and to repay their parents; for this is good and acceptable before God. Now she who is really a widow, and left alone, trusts in God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day. But she who lives in pleasure is dead while she lives. And these things command, that they may be blameless. But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. Do not let a widow under sixty years old be taken into the number, and not unless she has been the wife of one man, well reported for good works: if she has brought up children, if she has lodged strangers, if she has washed the saints’ feet, if she has relieved the afflicted, if she has diligently followed every good work. But refuse the younger widows; for when they have begun to grow wanton against Christ, they desire to marry, having condemnation because they have cast off their first faith. And besides they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house, and not only idle but also gossips and busybodies, saying things which they ought not. Therefore I desire that the younger widows marry, bear children, manage the house, give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully. For some have already turned aside after Satan. If any believing man or woman has widows, let them relieve them, and do not let the church be burdened, that it may relieve those who are really widows (vv. 3-16).

There’s a lot to be found in this long passage. But the underlying theme of it all is that each member of the church should be shown the kind of respect that is appropriate to their unique identity within the church family. And in this particular passage, Paul drew special attention to the widows within the family. He highlighted an important duty that we have in this church family—one that the Lord of this church would want us to be prepared to fulfill. And that is that the church is to honor those who are ‘really widows’ by providing faithfully for their care.

* * * * * * * * * *

I wonder if you have ever considered the significant part widows play in the story of the Bible. They’re found in very many places in Scripture, and show up in some remarkable and significant ways.

Think, for example, of the story of the widow of Zarephath in 1 Kings 17. She was used by God to provide for the prophet Elijah during a terrible drought. She gave the prophet bread from the only remaining bit of flour she had in the bin. It was only enough, she said, to bake and make a tiny last meal for her son and herself; and then they would die of starvation. And yet, at Elijah’s instruction, she took what she had and prepared it for him as God’s prophet. She gave what she had to the cause of the Lord first. As a result, God caused the bin never to run empty so that she was able to provide for herself and her son throughout the drought. Or there’s the story of the widow in 2 Kings 4. She was very poor and was about to lose all she had to creditors. But the successor of Elijah, the prophet Elisha, commanded her and her two sons to borrow whatever containers they could lay hands on, and to fill them with the only bit of oil she had. They did so; and God caused that oil to keep on pouring out until every container was filled, and so that she could sell it all and pay her creditors. God not only used those widows to fulfill His plans, but He also protected them and provided for them.

Or think of the ministry of our Lord. In Luke 2—shortly after our Savior was born—He was taken by Mary and Joseph to the temple and was met by the old, saintly widow Anna. Anna had been a widow for a remarkably long time—for almost all of her very long life. And when Jesus’ family came in and she saw Him, she immediately worshiped God and spoke about Him to everyone who looked for redemption in Jerusalem. Anna the widow was, you might say, the very first gospel evangelist in the New Testament. Or think of the widow that Jesus later saw in the temple who cast her only two small coins into the temple treasury. Jesus drew special attention to her gift; and she has become the great example throughout Christian history of true sacrificial giving in the sight of God. Or think of the Parable that the Lord told in Luke 18 about the poor widow who sought justice from an unjust judge. She wouldn’t give up; and as a result, Jesus made her to be the greatest illustration of the value of persistent prayer before the heavenly Father. Or think even further of Acts 6 and of how—after Jesus ascended and the church was born—the first problem that God helped the early church solve was how best to provide for the daily care of the many widows in its midst.

Our heavenly Father loves and places a very high value on the precious widows who put their trust in Him. He doesn’t tolerate their mistreatment. In Exodus 22:22-24, God warned Israel in His holy law,

“You shall not afflict any widow or fatherless child. If you afflict them in any way, and they cry at all to Me, I will surely hear their cry; and My wrath will become hot, and I will kill you with the sword; your wives shall be widows, and your children fatherless” (Exodus 22:22-24).

In fact, the Bible teaches us that it’s a part of the meaning of true religion to value widows in the same way that God values them. In James 1:27, we’re told,

Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world (James 1:27).

Of course, what would be involved in caring for widows in our own time is quite a bit different from what it would have involved in biblical times. In our time—in our relatively prosperous culture—there are a lot of provisions available that weren’t available in ancient days. Many of our older sisters who are in the ‘alone’ stage of life have the support of their husband’s pensions or IRA’s or investments; and they also have the provisions that come from Social Security payments and Medicare benefits. And, of course, many have the ongoing care that comes from family. Thankfully, ‘widowhood’ doesn’t ordinarily involve the kind of material hardship that it used to.

But in this morning’s passage, dear brothers and sisters in Christ, God the Holy Spirit is setting before our church a duty that we need to be watchful for and ready to fulfill. We need to be on the alert to the godly, faithful, Christ-honoring older sisters that God may bring into our midst for whom those other provisions are not available. We need to be thinking ahead and watching for how our church family can care for those in our midst who are ‘really widows’—providing faithfully for their care through our resources as a church family.

* * * * * * * * * *

So; let’s look at this often-neglected subject a little more closely. First, let’s look at verse 3 of our passage and notice …

1. THE BASIC COMMAND TO OBSERVE.

In the context of showing due respect to all people within the church family, Paul told Pastor Timothy, “Honor widows who are really widows.”

In studying this passage, I made an interesting discovery—and it’s one that impacts how we view widowhood in our own day. The word in the original language for ‘widow’ is chāra. When we think of the word ‘widow’ in our time, we generally tend to think almost strictly in terms of the description of a marital status—that is, of a woman who had been married but whose husband is now no longer living. But the word chāra—the word for ‘widow’—is related to another Greek verb chāroō which means ‘to make desolate’ or ‘to be destitute’¹. And this would represent the kind of idea that the people in Paul’s day would ordinarily have associated with widowhood—not just a particular marital status, but also a particularly pressing condition of need and poverty and loneliness.

Do you notice that Paul says to honor ‘widows who are really widows’? In some other translations, it puts it this way: “widows who are widows indeed”. And this is a way of describing a particular kind of widow—a widow who is truly left alone, who has no one to provide for her, who has no resources to draw from, and who is in a state of serious need. As it says in verse 5, she is “left alone” and “trusts in God”. It’s those kinds of widows—that is, “really widows”—that the apostle Paul is speaking of.

What he tells Pastor Timothy is that such widows—widows who are truly destitute—are to be ‘honored’ in the church family. And in this case, the word ‘honor’ doesn’t simply mean that they’re to be recognized and appreciated; but rather that they are also to be financially and materially provided for. As we read on in this passage, it’s clear that—if they meet certain qualifications—they are to be permanently enrolled in a special category within the church family, and are to be supported from out of the church’s resources.

To be honest, I’ve not heard of very many churches in modern times that do this. It’s usually considered to be the government’s responsibility. But according to God’s word, it’s the duty of the local church to financially provide for those elder sisters of the Lord in its midst who are ‘really widows’. That sounds pretty remarkable, doesn’t it? But it’s something that our church leadership needs to take into account and make serious plans to prepare for—trusting in God’s provision.

Now; this doesn’t mean that the church family doesn’t help with the needs of others as they arise in the lives of those who are not ‘really widows’. We’re certainly to do that as well. But this speaks of an ongoing, permanent situation of care for those godly widows in our midst who sincerely have no other means of living. When it comes to truly Christ-loving, godly widows who are in desperate need and who sincerely have no other source of help, it’s the job of their church family—in Christ’s love—to be their primary source of care.

And in understanding this important ministry concerning widows, we read on to find …

2. THE DUTIES THAT ARE INVOLVED.

First, there are duties involved with respect to the living family members of a widow who is not a ‘really widow’. In verse 4, Paul wrote, “But if any widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show piety at home and to repay their parents; for this is good and acceptable before God.” The Bible tells us in Exodus 20:12—in the fifth commandment,

“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you” (Exodus 20:12).

The church should step in and make this provision only if there are sincerely no family members to do so. But if the widow does have family members, it’s their responsibility to first show ‘piety’ or ‘reverence to God’ at home and care for their own. God commands it.

And there is also a responsibility on the part of the ‘really widow’ who is cared for by the church. We’re told in verses 5-6, “Now she who is really a widow, and left alone, trusts in God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day. But she who lives in pleasure is dead while she lives.” I think we should understand this carefully. A widow who is placed in the official category in the church of being ‘really’ a widow isn’t being ‘hired’ by the church to do a job for which she gets paid. Even if she can do nothing in return, she’s still to be cared for. But given the qualifications that a ‘really widow’ is to fulfill, she would be a woman who already had a history of serving the church as a loving care-giver and a diligent prayer warrior. Then, the provision of the church would simply make it possible for her to keep on doing for the church family what she had always already been doing. She would have already proven herself to not be the kind of woman who would seize upon it as an opportunity to live in self-indulgence.

As a pastor, I have to say that it would be a thrill to have such godly ‘really widows’ in the church family that I could call upon and ask, “Would you please take the time right now to pray about such-and-such a situation?” or “Would you please lift up our missionaries in a specifically detailed prayer?” or “Would you—if you can—make a phone call or go visit such-and-such a person in their need?” or “We have a group of pastors coming by in a couple days; and would you please bake-up some of your famous sweet-rolls for them?” That’s what the church’s provision frees a ‘really widow’ up to do for the church family. Such godly women would be a great gift to the church’s ministry.

Paul went on in verses 7 to 8 to say; “And these things command, that they may be blameless. But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” This reinforces the primary duty that family members have to care for their own. To not do so is to deny the faith, because the Lord that they say they love commanded them to care for their own. Even Jesus, as He was dying for us on the cross, saw to it that His own mother was cared for by the apostle John. And to not do so would also make them truly ‘worse than an unbeliever’; because even unbelieving people naturally care for those who are their own.

Now; it’s obvious that this special, ongoing, permanent care isn’t to be given to everyone. Certain requirements are involved before someone can be considered a ‘really widow’ that should be placed on the list and fall under the church’s permanent care. Just as Paul wrote earlier in this letter that certain qualifications are required of elders and deacons in the church, there are also certain things required of a ‘really widow’. That leads us next to notice what Paul wrote in verses 9-10 about …

3. THE QUALIFICATIONS THAT ARE REQUIRED.

He wrote, “Do not let a widow under sixty years old be taken into the number …” This was because, in those days, that’s the age when someone began to be considered ‘a senior citizen’. At age 60, a woman in that day would not likely be considered able to work any longer; nor would she be considered likely to remarry. She would be at the stage of life in which a heartfelt devotion to the cause of the Lord and a commitment to the prayers for the church family could be depended on.

Paul adds, “and not unless she has been the wife of one man …”; which is similar to the kind of things Paul spoke of as qualifications for an elder or a deacon. A woman who is a ‘really widow’ should be someone who has no other sources of help … and this would include the help of an ex-husband who was still living.

She must be “well reported for good works …” That is, she should have a reputation for doing that which is good and right in the service of the Lord Jesus and out of love for Him. This makes us think of another godly woman in the Bible named Dorcus—very possibly a ‘really widow’ herself. We’re told in Acts 9:36 that she was “full of good works and charitable deeds which she did.” Other widows in the church were able to show “the tunics and garments which Dorcas had made” for them. A ‘really widow’ ought to have a Dorcus-like reputation of good works.

In verse 10, Paul says that a widow ought to only be included on the list “if she has brought up children”; and we’d have to assume that they would be children who were no longer living and able to care for her. They may have been her own children, or they may have been foster children. But she needs to have had a reputation for bringing up children in the love and nurture of the Lord.

Paul also adds, “if she has lodged strangers”—that is, if she has had an open-home policy that shows hospitality to and welcomes in others of the Lord’s workers who traveled into town; “if she has washed the saints’ feet”—that is, if she has displayed the humble kind of service to other believers that the Lord Jesus displayed to the disciples; “if she has relieved the afflicted”—that is, if she has shown tangible care toward those in need who are suffering and has helped to bring them comfort; and “if she has diligently followed every good work”—that is, if she has a pattern of setting her hand to the task of ministry and faithfully fulfilling it.

Dear brothers and sisters; it seems to me that putting such a ‘really widow’ as this on the rolls for ongoing provision and support simply makes it possible for her to keep on being what she already has been to the church family. We should pray that God will give us such widows to bless.

Now; human nature being what it is, there are also some cautions that needed to be set in place. And so, Paul went on—in verses 11-15—to tell Timothy …

4. THE DANGERS TO BE WATCHED FOR.

Paul wrote in verses 11-12, “But refuse the younger widows”—that is, don’t encourage younger widows to make this very serious commitment of devotion to the Lord, or place them on this roll of ‘real widows’—“for when they have begun to grow wanton against Christ, they desire to marry, having condemnation because they have cast off their first faith.” These seem like strong words. But it appears that one of the things that would be required of a ‘really widow’ placed on the rolls is a life-long commitment of service to the Lord in the context of the church family. And what Paul was basically saying is that a younger widow—who may have been in a truly destitute situation but was under the age of 60—may at first be very sincere in the desire to make such a life-long commitment of devotion to the Lord; but natural desires would eventually set in. She’ll desire to marry and have children—and apart from having made such a commitment, there would certainly be nothing at all wrong with that. But it would be wrong to have such a change of heart and then break such a commitment after having made it. Paul didn’t want a young widow to be put in that situation.

In 1 Corinthians 7:34, Paul wrote;

There is a difference between a wife and a virgin [that is, a young unmarried woman]. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world—how she may please her husband (1 Corinthians 7:34).

To have made the commitment that is required of a ‘really widow’, and to then set it aside, would have been a very serious matter. Paul called it ‘having cast off their first faith’—that is, her first commitment to service to the Lord. And it would be better not to place a young widow into a situation that might tempt her later. An older woman over 60 would not likely have that struggle.

But Paul also adds this in verse 13 regarding younger widows, “And besides they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house, and not only idle but also gossips and busybodies, saying things which they ought not.” This may sound as if Paul was being insulting. But he really wasn’t. He was simply recognizing the fact that a younger widow would not have the kind of maturity and life experience in handling sensitive matters that would characterize an older widow—a woman of God who had the time to grow and to display the kind of qualifications Paul mentioned earlier. So; Paul adds in verses 14-15, “Therefore I desire that the younger widows marry, bear children, manage the house, give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully. For some have already turned aside after Satan.”

This doesn’t mean that the church family should not provide help and aid to a younger widow in its midst. It absolutely should! It should, in fact, do whatever it can to provide all the help that is legitimately needed! But because of the dangers involved, the church shouldn’t place onto the official roll a younger believing widow who still has the potential of remarrying after the loss of her husband. The honored status of ‘really widow’ should only be given to a godly widow who has the proven character to keep true to her service to the Lord, and who will not fall into the temptations that might come along later. This is crucial for the ongoing reputation of the church before the watching world.

And that leads us to one more thing that Paul mentioned to Timothy; and that is …

5. THE FOCUS THAT IS TO BE MAINTAINED.

In the translation of the Bible that I’m using, verse 16 begins with these words: “ If any believing man or woman has widows …” But other translations have it only, “If any woman who is a believer has widows in her family …” And based on the most reliable versions of the ancient text, the later wording is the correct one. Paul was speaking specifically to believing women who have a widow; and urging them to take care of her own widowed relatives’ needs.

And this is for a very important reason. As he went on to say, “let them relieve them, and do not let the church be burdened, that it may relieve those who are really widows.” This is in order to protect the proper use of the church’s resources. A church certainly may find it necessary and prudent to help a widow in the family of a believing woman for a time. But such a widow should not be put on the permanent roll because—in actuality—she’s not a ‘really widow’. She has someone in the family who can care for her long-term. This is so that the church’s resources can be applied to those who are genuinely ‘really widows’.

* * * * * * * * * *

Now, dear brothers and sisters; to be honest, I have not seen this done in any church that I’ve ever been associated with. But it’s clearly God’s will that it should be done—and that we as a church family should plan ahead for it, and watch for the occasions in our own midst in which it must be done.

Would you pray for wisdom on the part of our church elders? And would you pray for God’s provision for the resources to meet the need when it is shown to us? And would you also pray that God would bless us with the opportunity to obey His word and ‘honor widows who are really widows’—all to the advancement of the kingdom of our Lord Jesus?

________________________________________

¹Lidell and Scott, A Greek-English Lexicon (New York: Harper & Brothers, Publishers, 1855), p. 1660.

AE

AE