‘OBEY YOUR PARENTS’

Posted by Pastor Greg Allen on November 12, 2023 under 2023 |

Bethany Bible Church Sermon Message from November 12, 2023 from Ephesians 6:1-3

Theme: Believing children will submit to their parents as they should when they keep the obedience of the Lord Jesus in view.

(All Scripture is taken from The New King James Version, unless otherwise indicated).

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Over the past several weeks, we’ve been studying the subject of Holy Spirit-empowered submission. We’ve been looking at what the apostle Paul taught—from Ephesians Chapters 5-6—about how, when we become yielded to the Holy Spirit’s influence, He produces a humble submissiveness within us in the various relationships and roles of life.

In Ephesians 5:22-33, we’ve seen that Paul wrote about how this mutual submission shows itself in the marriage relationship. And now, in the first four verses of the sixth chapter, he expands on the subject of submission as it touches on the family relationship between children and parents. He wrote;

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.” And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:1-4).

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Now; whenever we—as followers of Jesus—read those words, we can’t help but relate to them differently, according to the context of where we may be in life.

If, for example, we are children who are still living under the rule and care of our parents, then those words make us ask, “How am I supposed to obey my parents in the light of my relationship with the Lord?” Or if we are children who are now grown up and have elderly parents, we might then ask “Even though I am no longer under their household authority, how am I nevertheless supposed to honor them and care for them in the Lord?” If we are parents with children under our care—and specifically fathers, because that’s who Paul specifically highlights in this passage—then we’ll ask, “How am I supposed to care for my children in the light of my relationship with the Lord? How do I raise them up to love Him and honor Him?” But if our children are grown up, and if we are now parents who are—to some degree—dependent upon their care, then we’ll ask, “How do I still influence them to honor and reverence the Lord?”

But it may even be that someone hears those words without any child/parent context in which to relate to them. It may be that, for some reason, there cannot currently be a relationship with either parents or children—or that there never really was such a relationship available to experience. Some of us may have lost our parents early in our lives—and were raised by someone else. Or it may be that some of us never knew our parents at all. Or when it comes to children, some of us may now only have nieces or nephews, or grandchildren or great-grandchildren. Or there may be some of us who never have had children at all. And when we, who are believers in those kinds of situations, read these words, we might ask, “What do these words have to say to me? How do I relate to them in the Lord when I don’t have children or parents?”

For some of us, it could even be that hearing those words raises up feelings of pain and loss and regret. We look back in sorrow over the fact that our parents weren’t what they should have been to us; or that we were not the children to our parents that we should have been; or that we were not the parents—or specifically, the fathers—that we should have been to our children. We realize that we—to some degree—failed in those roles. For some of us, there may still be time to change. But for others of us, that ship has long since sailed and there’s now no bringing it back. And if so, then when we read those words, we may be asking, “What—if anything—do those words now have to say to me? How do I now relate to them, as a man or woman in Christ, when things were so far from what they should have been?”

Well; I suggest to you that the key is to look above our own immediate situation—whatever that situation may be—and to gaze first at the greatest Parent/Child relationship that the universe has ever known. And that’s the relationship between Jesus Christ—the Son of God—and His heavenly Father.

You might remember that, when we looked at what it tells us in Ephesians about the relationship between the husband and the wife, we found that it was very clearly based on the relationship between the Lord Jesus and His bride the church. The way the church was to submit to Jesus, and the way that Jesus was to nurture and care for His church, was the basis for how a husband and wife should treat one another in their marriage. Their relationship with each other was to be a reflection of Jesus’ glorious relationship with His church. And though it isn’t said as explicitly in our passage this morning as it was in the previous passage, we must also look—first of all and most of all—to the Lord Jesus and His relationship with His Father as the model that we’re to follow in our relationships within the family. I am justified in saying this because of the fact that—twice in this morning’s passage—we’re told that the Lord Jesus is to be at the center of it all. Children are to obey their parents “in the Lord”; and fathers are to bring their children up “in the training and admonition of the Lord”.

So then; by the enabling power of the Holy Spirit—through being “filled with the Spirit”, as we’re told in 5:18—we’re to keep the Lord Jesus Christ at the center of it all. And that means that—no matter what stage of life we’re in—this passage does have something to say to us. We are able to relate ourselves to it because—through faith in Jesus Christ—we have been adopted by the Father and are now His children “in the Lord.”

Today, I ask that we just mainly consider verses 1-3; and what it tells us that children are to do toward their parents.

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Now; just think of the relationship that the Lord Jesus Christ enjoys with the heavenly Father. That relationship is eternal. It has always existed. And it has always been perfect and glorious. As John tells us in John 1:1-2;

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God (John 1:1-2).

That relationship—in the mystery of the Trinity—was a relationship between the eternal Father, and His only begotten Son. At a point in time in history, we’re told that God gave His only begotten Son for us; and He was born into the human family as one of us. He never ceased to be the only begotten of the Father. But He nevertheless became conceived in flesh in the womb of Mary, grew up among us, and lived as both ‘fully God’ and ‘fully man’ on this earth.

And as He walked on this earth, He was always the delight of the heavenly Father. At His baptism, the Father Himself said to the world,

“This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased” (Matthew 3:17).

Do you suppose we could say that this Father was very proud of His Son? I believe so. And this perfect Son also delighted in a relationship of submission to His perfect Father. Jesus once spoke to those who opposed Him and told them;

“Most assuredly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of Himself, but what He sees the Father do; for whatever He does, the Son also does in like manner. For the Father loves the Son, and shows Him all things that He Himself does; and He will show Him greater works than these, that you may marvel. For as the Father raises the dead and gives life to them, even so the Son gives life to whom He will. For the Father judges no one, but has committed all judgment to the Son, that all should honor the Son just as they honor the Father. He who does not honor the Son does not honor the Father who sent Him” (John 5:19-23).

The Father showed His love to His Son by giving everything to Him. And the Son showed His love to His Father by submitting to Him and obeying Him in all things. In John 5:30, He said;

“I can of Myself do nothing. As I hear, I judge; and My judgment is righteous, because I do not seek My own will but the will of the Father who sent Me” (John 5:30).

In John 8:28-29, He told those who sought to kill Him;

“When you lift up the Son of Man, then you will know that I am He, and that I do nothing of Myself; but as My Father taught Me, I speak these things. And He who sent Me is with Me. The Father has not left Me alone, for I always do those things that please Him” (John 8:28-29).

May I read to you from the beginning words of what I believe to be the most wondrous prayer ever uttered on earth? It was prayed by the Lord Jesus—just before He went to the cross for us. In John 17:15, He lifted up His eyes to heaven and said;

“Father, the hour has come. Glorify Your Son, that Your Son also may glorify You, as You have given Him authority over all flesh, that He should give eternal life to as many as You have given Him. And this is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent. I have glorified You on the earth. I have finished the work which You have given Me to do. And now, O Father, glorify Me together with Yourself, with the glory which I had with You before the world was” (John 17:1-5).

Just think of what complete submission—in actual practice—this perfect Son exhibited toward His Father! In fact, it would be just a short while after He spoke those words in prayer that He was praying again in the Garden of Gethsemane. He was suffering in deep anguish over the thought of hanging on the cross for us while bearing all the guilt of the sins of the whole world on our behalf; and of having the Father turn from Him for a brief while as He would cry out, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?” And as He agonized over this prospect in the garden, He fell on His face and prayed; saying,

“O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will” (Matthew 26:39).

No other son ever suffered as much under the will of his father as our Lord Jesus did on the cross for us—and yet did so with such willing submission! And as a result, He rose in glory and made the wonderful announcement that He has now made us sons and daughters of His own Father—with us as His own brothers and sisters. After His resurrection, He told Mary of Magdala;

“Do not cling to Me, for I have not yet ascended to My Father; but go to My brethren and say to them, ‘I am ascending to My Father and your Father, and to My God and your God’” (John 20:17).

Dear brothers and sisters in Christ; for those of us who have placed our trust in Jesus and have been redeemed by His sacrifice, His Father is now our Father! He is now our Brother! And His example of submission to the Father is to now be our example in the parent/child relationship!

And may I show you one more thing? With all the love and honor and obedience that the Lord Jesus expressed in His submission to His heavenly Father; and with all the care and delight and glory that the heavenly Father shared with His beloved Son; we read these astonishing words—found in Luke 2:51—about His relationship with Joseph and Mary in His earthly childhood:

Then He went down with them and came to Nazareth, and was subject to them (Luke 2:51a).

Dear brothers and sisters; if we will, by the power of the Holy Spirit, fix our gaze upon the Lord Jesus Christ, and behold the majesty of His perfect submission toward His Father, and behold the perfect love of His Father for Him, then we will never have any trouble understanding the significance of these words to us:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth” (Ephesians 6:1-3).

These words show us a very basic and wonderful principle; that believing children will submit to their parents as they should when they keep the obedience of the Lord Jesus in view.

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Now; let’s look at what this passage tells us first about how children are to honor their parents.

Paul wrote, in verse 1, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” And something to notice in this is that Paul didn’t write, “Children, obey all grown-ups”. This is because children don’t have the kind of relationship with all other grown-ups that they have with their own parents. We live in a time when there is an effort—on the part of some—to separate children from the authority of their parents so that they can conform those children to their values, and their beliefs, and their agenda. But clearly, not all adults in authority are good people; and children—by God’s design—are not meant to obey all grown-ups in the way they are to obey their parents. Children are obligated—first and foremost—to obey their own parents.

Another thing to notice is that Paul didn’t start off by saying, “Children, honor your parents.” They are supposed to honor their parents, of course; because we’re told so in the next verse. To ‘honor’ them would mean to respect them, and to reverence them, to do good to them, and to seek their exaltation. But Paul started off by telling children not to ‘honor’, but rather to ‘obey’ their own parents. And that’s because obedience is the objective evidence of honor. When children ‘obey’ their parents, they automatically honor their parent’s role over them and put that honor into actual practice—just as Jesus Himself did toward His Father. Not all children will understand what it means to ‘honor’ their parents; but they can certainly understand what it means to ‘obey’ them. And unless they obey them, they do not truly honor them.

Yet another thing to notice is that Paul said that children are to honor their parents “in the Lord”. And this cannot be interpreted to mean that children are only to honor their parents if their parents are believers. As we will see in a moment, the command to obey parents is universal and unqualified—and is not to be applied only to parents who prove themselves to be ‘worthy’ of obedience. Rather, what it means is that children are to obey their parents out of a reverence and respectful relationship of obedience to the Lord Himself. They are to look at the Lord Jesus, see how He Himself obeyed His Father, recognize that the Lord Jesus is now their Lord, and then yield obedience to their parents as unto the Lord.

I’ll never forget how—in my growing-up years—the Lord brought this to my awareness. I didn’t grow up in a home in which the Lord Jesus was honored. And I myself was a rebellious and hard-hearted son. I didn’t end up getting into much trouble in my youth … but I was sure ready to do so when the opportunity finally came along. I hated the authority of my parents. But when I became a believer at the age of 16, God began to change my heart. I loved Him; and I then knew that if I was going to obey Him as I should, I needed to begin obeying my parents and submitting myself to their authority willingly. It took time. But eventually, they themselves could see the difference. I even told them that the difference was because of Jesus. I was obeying them ‘in the Lord’. They didn’t understand that … but they didn’t exactly mind it either!

I used to minister to a youth group; and I remember times when kids would ask me, “What if my parents ask me to do something sinful? I mean—what if they ask me to murder someone?” The first thing I did in response to that question was to ask them how often that came up. They usually said, “Well … never, I guess;” and I told them that I was very relieved to hear that! But I reminded them that whenever any authority figure tells us to do something that is against God’s expressed will in the Scriptures, our response is to be what the apostle Peter said in Acts 5:29; “We ought to obey God rather than men.” But so long as what our parents tell us to do does not violate what God has said, then we are to obey them. We obey Him first; and then we obey Him by obeying them. That’s part of what it means to obey our parents “in the Lord”.

And a fourth thing that Paul says to children is that they are to obey their parents in the Lord, “for this is right”. Why would it be right? It would obviously be right because it’s what the Lord Jesus Himself did—and we’re to follow His example. But I think that it would also be ‘right’ because of what the apostle Paul then goes on to say in verses 2-3; “’Honor your father and mother,’ which is the first commandment with promise: ‘that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.’” Paul points us directly to the fifth of the Ten Commandments—found in Exodus 20:12 and Deuteronomy 5:16—and shows us that obedience to parents is right because it’s one of God’s basic, unchanging, fundamental rules for life.

Notice that, this time, Paul quotes the passage and says that we are to ‘honor’ our own fathers and mothers. This takes the matter beyond just ‘obeying’ parents with our mere actions, and touches on the whole attitude with which we are to relate ourselves to them. This also takes the matter beyond just childhood alone, and applies it to every context of life in which we might relate to them. Do you remember how Jesus once rebuked people for making up religious rules for other people to follow—while ignoring God’s commandments? They were rebuking His disciples because they didn’t wash their hands in a traditional way before eating. He told them;

“Why do you also transgress the commandment of God because of your tradition? For God commanded, saying, ‘Honor your father and your mother’; and, ‘He who curses father or mother, let him be put to death.’ But you say, ‘Whoever says to his father or mother, “Whatever profit you might have received from me is a gift to God”—then he need not honor his father or mother.’ Thus you have made the commandment of God of no effect by your tradition” (Matthew 15:3-6).

So, the Lord Jesus took the fifth commandment and applied it even to full-grown adults who were responsible for supporting their elderly parents when they were in need. To ‘honor’ our parents, in that case, means to take care of them when they need our help.

And do you also notice that Paul said that this is the ‘first’ commandment? What does that mean? It’s obviously not the first commandment in the order of commandments; because it’s actually the fifth of the Ten Commandments… not the first. And it’s not the first of the commandments ‘with a promise’; because the second and the third commandments also contain a promise. So; what does this mean?

I believe that it helps to separate the two ideas—that it’s “the first commandment” and then, also, that it comes “with a promise”. It’s the first commandment because it’s the very first one we learn about when we are at the very earliest stages of our lives. As soon as we are able to understand anything that our parents tell us, we learn that we must ‘obey’. We learn that the word ‘no’ has ramifications. And in that respect, it’s the very first commandment because it’s the most primary one of them all. From the commandment to honor father and mother, we learn to honor authority in every other area of life … including the authority of God in our lives.

And then—as if to help motivate us—Paul reminded us that it’s a commandment “with a promise” of a blessing if we keep it. That promise is “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth”. This isn’t a promise of absolute, unfailing results. After all, there have been rebellious children who lived on into their 100s (although it didn’t always go ‘well’ with them). And there have been very obedient, Christ-loving, parent-honoring children who went home early (although we’d have to say that they were blessed).

The principle seems to be that life simply goes better for us if we learn, as early as we can in life, to honor parental authority … and thereby, to learn to honor all authority in our lives. God gave us parents to guide us and protect us. In the last verse, we see that God gave us fathers to bring us up in the training and admonition of the Lord. In listening to them and honoring their instructions, we avoid trouble. We stay off the wrong path. We make the right choices. We learn wisdom. We end up living longer and better.

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I wonder, dear brothers and sisters—as we look at the condition of the world around us right now—how much of what we see happening today is the result of ignoring this commandment. It tells us in Romans 1:30 that one of the manifestations of having turned away from God is that people will become “disobedient to parents”. And it also tells us in 2 Timothy 3:2 that one of the dreadful characteristics of the depravity of the end times will be that people will be “disobedient to parents”. Isn’t it true that the more people have turned their heads away from the Lord Jesus Christ—and His example of obedience to His own Father—the more they have ended up destroying themselves? Can’t we see that demonstrated all around us today?

The next time we visit Ephesians 6, let’s look closer at Paul’s instructions to fathers in verse 4. But for now, let’s renew our commitment to what we have learned from verses 1-3. Let’s teach it to our children and grandchildren. Let’s pass it on to young people wherever we can. Let’s model it in our own lives. And young people—embrace this with all your heart! Let’s look to the Lord Jesus’ relationship with His Father, and let He be the model that we imitate.

Because we will all grow in a submissive spirit—as we should—when we keep the obedience of the Lord Jesus always in view.

AE