Non-Christian Marriages & Adultery

Posted by Pastor Greg Allen on January 19, 2010 under Ask the Pastor |

A visitor to our website writes:

“As a Christian, I have been struggling to find the answer to this issue.  If someone has sexual relations with a woman or man that is married, it is considered adultery.  But what if that marriage is between two non-Christians and is not recognized in the eyes of God?  ie. civil ceremony, etc.  Would that still be considered adultery?”

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Dear friend,

First, let me begin by suggesting that it’s an error to assume that a marriage between two non-Christians is not recognized in the sight of God.

Jesus was once challenged by the Pharisees with the question, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?” (Matthew 19:3).  I think it would be fair to say that the Pharisees who asked this question were NOT believers in Jesus.  What’s more, the entire debate they were having was because there were some who wanted to know whether or not they could put away their own wives without guilt.  Jesus answered them by saying, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?  So then, they are no longer two but one flesh.  Therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate” (vv. 4-6).  They went on to ask why Moses had commanded that a certificate of divorce be given to one’s wife and that she be put away.  Jesus answered, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.  And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery” (vv. 8-9).

My point in citing these statements of Jesus is that (1) they were spoken to unbelievers; and (2) they treat marriage as sacred in the sight of God–even in the case of those who are unbelievers.  Similarly the apostle Paul, when he writes to the Corinthians about marriage issues, speaks of a situation in which a believer is married to an unbeliever; and he treats that marriage as being as valid and inviolable in the sight of God as a marriage would be between two believers (1 Corinthians 7:12-16).  In teaching these things, the Scriptures infer that a marriage between two unbelievers is just as much a marriage in the sight of God as is a marriage between two believers.

So, to answer your question; the violation of a marriage between two unbelievers absolutely constitutes adultery.  A civil ceremony is a non-religious marriage ceremony that is not entered into in the context of a church; but it is still a legal marriage from the standpoint of the state.  This would also be true in the case of “common-law” marriages; which eventually become legal marriages from the standpoint of the state, and which then cannot be terminated except by a legal divorce.  Since such a marriage is recognized by the legal authority of a state, God calls us to honor it as a full marriage in His sight in that we are to honor Him by honoring the laws and authority of the state (Romans 13:1-6).

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Now; suppose a man and a woman are in a relationship with each other that is NOT a legal marriage in any respect–either in the sight of God or in the eyes of the state.  Let’s suppose we’re talking about a live-together situation.  If someone in that relationship were to have sexual intimacy with some third party, it obviously would not be called “adultery”; since a covenant bond of marriage had not been violated.  But it would still be a sin.  It would be a sin by a different name–”fornication”.  (The live-together situation itself, by the way, is also “fornication”.)

It’s helpful to think of marriage as a circle.  Sexuality has God’s blessings and approval so long as it occurs between one man and one woman within the commitment of that circle.  When someone outside that circle steps in and has sexual relations with someone in that circle, that is called the sin of “adultery”.  But when someone who is not at all within the “circle” of marriage has sexual relations with someone else who is not at all within the circle of marriage, that is called the sin of “fornication”.  And both are violations of God’s standard of marriage.  What’s more, both sins equally receive the warning of His judgment.  Hebrews 13:4 says, “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.”

I would say that it would be best to ask the question, “What is the situation that God has clearly placed His blessing upon sexuality between two people?”  And the answer is clear and exclusive: life-long, legal marriage between one man and one woman.

In Jesus,

Pastor Greg
Bethany Bible Church

(All Scripture quotes are taken from the New King James Version.)