Bethany Bible Church Sermon Message from November 27, 2023 from Ephesians 6:4

Theme: Believing fathers must, in submission to the Lord, bring their children up in the faith.

(All Scripture is taken from The New King James Version, unless otherwise indicated).

NOTE: There is no audio or live archive for this week’s sermon.

In our last time together, we considered the words of the apostle Paul and his teaching about ‘submission’. He wrote about Holy Spirit-empowered submission with respect to the way that believing children relate to their parents. Ephesians 6:1-3 says;

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth” (Ephesians 6:1-3).

Those three verses are so important that we devoted an entire Sunday morning to them. But a large reason for their importance is because of the importance of verse 4. It says;

And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord (v. 4).

It’s a relatively short verse. But the importance of what it tells us is enormous. In fact, it’s hard to express its importance enough! When you look at the condition of the world today, you’d have to conclude that much of it has to do with a failure to do what this verse says to do.

And one of the things that we must pray for—in order for things to turn around—is that, by God’s gracious help, obedience to this command be restored and encouraged.

* * * * * * * * * *

Now; we really don’t have to be experts in sociology to understand why this is so.

In the plan of God, it was His design that the home serve as one of the main contexts in which faith in Him is to be spread from generation to generation … perhaps the most important context. Mass evangelism in crusades and gospel outreaches are certainly important and have been used by God. Missions—both at home and abroad—have also been very important and effective. And even the faithful proclamation of the gospel in local churches throughout the world has been instrumental in passing that faith on. But from the very beginning of the unfolding of God’s redemptive plan for the ages, God designed the home to be the principal place—in a slow, steady, personal way—where that faith is passed on from one generation to the next.

Think of what Moses told the people of Israel in Deuteronomy 6—right after having reminded that generation of the law that God had given their fathers, and just before entering the promised land God was giving to them. Even at the very formation of the nation of Israel, Moses said in Deuteronomy 6:6-9;

“And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates” (Deuteronomy 6:6-9).

The people of Israel weren’t to simply sit passively by and hope that the next generation would somehow ‘discover’ the commandments of the Lord. Instead, they were to teach them ‘diligently’ to their children and make those commandments a prominent part of everyday home life. This is also reinforced to us in Psalm 78. The psalmist Asaph wrote;

Give ear, O my people, to my law;
Incline your ears to the words of my mouth.
I will open my mouth in a parable;
I will utter dark sayings of old,
Which we have heard and known,
And our fathers have told us.
We will not hide them from their children,
Telling to the generation to come the praises of the Lord,
And His strength and His wonderful works that He has done.

For He established a testimony in Jacob,
And appointed a law in Israel,
Which He commanded our fathers,
That they should make them known to their children;
That the generation to come might know them,
The children who would be born,
That they may arise and declare them to their children,
That they may set their hope in God,
And not forget the works of God,
But keep His commandments;
And may not be like their fathers,
A stubborn and rebellious generation,
A generation that did not set its heart aright,
And whose spirit was not faithful to God (Psalm 78:1-8).

It was essential—and even urgent—that the truths of the faith be passed down and taught to the next generation. This was so that the faith wouldn’t be ignored and forgotten, and that the future generation wouldn’t fall into stubborn and rebellious sin.

And this is still God’s design today—in this era of God’s redemptive plan. The apostle Paul wrote about this to his younger ministry partner Pastor Timothy. Timothy had learned about the faith at home in his growing up years; and Paul told him in 2 Timothy 3:14-15,

But you must continue in the things which you have learned and been assured of, knowing from whom you have learned them, and that from childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus (2 Timothy 3:14-15).

Dear brothers and sisters; one of the most important contexts in which to pass the faith on from one generation to another—and arguably the most effective one—is the home. And so; the mandate given to us in this one verse is more important than ever to keep and obey—not just for the well-being of culture, but quite literally for the salvation of human souls:

And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.

As this verse teaches us, believing fathers must, in submission to the Lord, bring their children up in the faith. To ignore this instruction is disastrous. But to keep it will help transform the world.

* * * * * * * * * *

Now; why is it that only ‘fathers’ are given this command? Aren’t mothers also involved? Yes; they are. But the Bible teaches us that the primary responsibility for keeping it rests upon fathers. Ephesians 5:22-4 tells us that the husband is to serve as the head of his wife—just as Jesus is the divine Head of His bride—the church. And that means that while the work of passing on the faith to the children is definitely a team effort, the ultimate accountability before God rests upon the father. This is a task that he must do in submission and obedience to God.

And so; how is he to do it? It’s interesting how this verse begins by telling fathers what they are not to do. Paul wrote, “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath …” So, the first thing to notice is that fathers set the atmosphere by bringing their children up tenderly …

1. NOT PROVOKING THEM TO ANGER.

In Colossians 3:21, we find a very similar verse. There, the apostle Paul wrote;

Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged (Colossians 3:21).

The idea is that, in daily home life, fathers must not embitter their children or cause them to lose heart in embracing the faith. How might that occur? Sadly, the ways are many.A father, for example, can provoke his children by showing favoritism. The Bible gives us an example of this in the life of Jacob. He favored his son, Joseph—giving him a coat of many colors. Remember how much this embittered his other sons? A father can dishearten one child by showing that the other is his ‘favorite’.

• A father can also provoke his children to wrath through neglect. When a father is uninvolved in their lives—too busy because of work, or leisure, or even ministry—it communicates that his children don’t matter to him as much as other things.
• A father can also provoke his children through unfair comparisons. I wonder if this wasn’t what caused old Issac so much heartache in his family. He compared Jacob to Esau; and provoked Jacob into a rift with his brother. It’s horrible when one child feels in competition with another over the affection of their father.
• Unreasonable expectations can also provoke a child. Sometimes, fathers want to live out their own daydreams and ambitions through their children … not respecting the unique skills, talents, and ambitions that those children have been given by God.
• Fathers can provoke their children through a failure to keep promises. When dad promises a weekend trip, or an outing, or some activity—and then fails to come through—children become disappointed; and they learn not to trust that he will keep his word. They even learn to doubt God’s promises.
• Disrespectful comments from their father can hurt children deeply. Demeaning nicknames, or constant criticisms, can be like wounds inflicted on a child’s soul. Children get discouraged because they feel like they can never measure up.
• Fathers can also provoke their children, and greatly dishearten them, by their own angry outbursts. When a father can’t keep his temper under control—and when he lets loose on his children with frequent tirades, harsh lectures, foul language, and even violent threats—it leaves a hurtful mark on their souls that they never forget.
• Inconsistent rules also dishearten and provoke children. When the rules keep changing, or when they get made up capriciously, kids never know for sure where they stand or what they’re supposed to do. They learn to think that God acts that way.
• All fathers are imperfect; and they all blow it at times. But when there’s a refusal to admit mistakes, it makes their children feel as if there are expectations placed on them that their father doesn’t have to honor.
• Fathers also can provoke their children through a lack of boundaries. Many adult children have said that, since their father never told them what the boundaries were in life, they grew up thinking that there weren’t any … and grew up in rebellion toward God.
• One of the most painful ways that fathers discourage their children—and especially fathers who profess to be believers—is through hypocritical living. Their children see them behave one way at church, and a completely different way at home. They grow up believing that the Christian faith isn’t real.

Now; there are several things on this list—and there could be many more—that would cause many of us to say, “Ouch!” It could cause us who are fathers to feel like we could never be worthy of the high standard of fatherhood. But it’s important to notice that, when Paul wrote for fathers not to ‘provoke’ their children to wrath, he put it in the form of the verb that describes an ongoing, habitual behavior—as of to say, “Don’t make an ongoing lifestyle practice of provoking your children.” If it’s a father’s habitual policy to provoke his children and dishearten them, then he must repent, and trust in the enabling power of the Holy Spirit to help change his behavior. And when they occasionally fail, they should admit it and ask their children for forgiveness.

None of us, who are fathers, can ever give our children a perfect earthly version of ‘fatherhood’. But all of us can give our children an example of a sinful, fallen, imperfect father—which, by the way, all of our children already know that they have; but who repents, and asks forgiveness, and trusts in the life-changing power and grace of Jesus. And that is a very great example to give to our kids.

* * * * * * * * * *

So then; that’s what fathers are not to do. But what are they to do instead? Paul goes on to tell fathers that they’re to bring their children up in the Lord …

2. RAISING THEM WITH LOVING NURTURE.

He wrote, “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” The word that’s used for ‘bringing them up’ is one that means to ‘feed them out’. It’s a word that describes caring for them in such a way as they grow well. It’s the same word that is used in Ephesians 5:29; where we’re told how a husband should care for his own wife;

For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church (Ephesians 5:29).

A father, then, should love his children in such a way as to provide for their nurture and growth; doing all that he does for them in order for them to grow in a healthy and balanced way.

A good way to think of this would be to consider how our Lord Jesus grew in the boyhood of His humanity. You really can’t think of a better pattern to follow for the ‘upbringing’ of children than the growing-up of our Lord. We’re told in Luke 2:52;

And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men (Luke 2:52).

This gives a father four good, balanced categories of ‘loving nurture’ to pursue with his own children; that is, that they grow up intellectually (“in wisdom”), physically (“in stature”), spiritually (“in favor with God”), and socially (“in favor … with men”).

And what is the method that a Spirit-empowered father is to follow in doing this important work? Paul goes on to say that it’s by …

3. TRAINING AND ADMONISHING THEM IN RIGHTEOUSNESS.

Paul wrote, “And you, fathers … bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” The first word is a word that describes the kind of teaching and instruction that a child needs. Its focus is on the right information about the Lord Jesus. It would involve teaching them many things; but most of all, teaching them from the Bible. And the second word is one that involves exhortations, and warnings, and encouragements. Its focus is on the right kind of call to action—to do what the Bible teaches them to do and encourage them to put its teaching into daily practice. And a child needs both “training” and “admonition” in order to live in a righteous way before the Lord.

Sometimes there needs to be a discipline that accompanies the instruction—something that the Bible calls “chastening”. But under the Holy Spirit’s empowerment, that chastening is never done out of frustration or anger—never in an out-of-control way—but always done in a productive, goal-focused way out of genuine love. It must follow the pattern of our heavenly Father’s own instruction to us. The writer of Hebrews was writing encouragement to a group of suffering Christians, and he put the matter this way in 12:7-10;

If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live? For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness (Hebrews 12:7-10).

A father should always seek to instruct and admonish his own children in the same kind of way that His heavenly Father instructs and admonishes him. He should discipline his own children as the Lord Himself would discipline them—that is, with love and care and purpose—with holiness before God as the goal.

And that purpose ought always be to steer them toward righteousness from out of reverence to the Lord Himself. If done rightly, it leads children to love and honor God more. In Proverbs 2:1-8, we find the good words of a father to his son;

My son, if you receive my words,
And treasure my commands within you,
So that you incline your ear to wisdom,
And apply your heart to understanding;
Yes, if you cry out for discernment,
And lift up your voice for understanding,
If you seek her as silver,
And search for her as for hidden treasures;
Then you will understand the fear of the Lord,
And find the knowledge of God.
For the Lord gives wisdom;
From His mouth come knowledge and understanding;
He stores up sound wisdom for the upright;
He is a shield to those who walk uprightly;
He guards the paths of justice,
And preserves the way of His saints (Proverbs 2:1-8).

And let’s notice one final thing. Because a good, godly father’s work toward his children is a God-focused work, then it’s important to remember that his work must always be done …

4. WITH HUMBLE SUBMISSION TO THE LORD.

Look carefully at this morning’s verse. In the translation that I’m using, it begins with the conjunction “And …” Not all Bible translations of this verse have that word; but it’s nevertheless there in the original language. And it truly needs to be there. It points our attention backward; and shows us that this command is a part of a larger theme; and we must always keep that theme in mind in thinking about what fathers are being commanded to do.

That theme began in Ephesians 5:18; where Paul wrote, “And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit …” That’s where Paul gave the instruction to us, as believers, to yield ourselves to the prevailing influence and empowerment of the Third Person of the Trinity—God the Holy Spirit—who took up residence in us when we first believed in Jesus. Paul went on to write about the different ways that the Holy Spirit’s empowering influence would show itself in our lives; and one of those ways is mentioned in verse 21—“submitting to one another in the fear of God.” In other words, in the various relationships in which God has sovereignly placed us, we’re to be yielded to the Holy Spirit; and we’re to allow the Holy Spirit to produce in us a humble submissiveness to God in our roles.

And when it comes to fatherhood, this is crucial. The command given to fathers in this verse is not meant to be obeyed independently—as if it was done according to their own wisdom or past upbringing; or in their own power, or through the strength of their own will. Instead, they are to bring up their children while in an attitude of complete submission to the Lord in the power of the Holy Spirit. This is reflected in the word “in” that we find in the middle of this verse. They are to raise their children “in” the training and admonition of the Lord. That word “in” speaks not only of the content of the father’s work, but also of the manner in which that work is to be done. Fathers are to give their children the immeasurable blessing of being raised by Christ-loving, humble, submissive, Spirit-filled fathers. They themselves are to be “in” the Lord in the way that they bring their children up “in” the Lord.

* * * * * * * * * *

Now; we may wish we could have all had such training and instruction in our own growing-up years. Some of us may wish that our parents—and especially our fathers—would have personally had that kind of faith in Christ to have been able to pass on to us. Others of us—who have been parents—may wish that we had learned what this verse says earlier in our lives; and that we would have done a better job of passing that faith on to our own children. It may feel as if, for some of us, what this verse tells us is all very good and true—but the opportunity is now long gone.

But that’s not so. As grandparents, as aunts, as uncles, as friends and relatives, and as teachers and church members, we can all have a part in supporting what this verse commands. Where we may have failed the children in our lives, we can still go back to them, admit our fault, and ask forgiveness. And where we’re still directly involved in some way in the life of the home, we can help support the fathers of the children in our families—encouraging those fathers, praying for them, and working with them to train their children in the instruction and admonition of the Lord.

Let me close with the wise words of a great preacher from the past—Dr. Harry Ironside. They give hope to us now—even if we may have failed in the past. He wrote;

Let the grace of Christ be seen in your life, and though everything else should go, your children will have the memory of godly parenting and pious upbringing.

And do this because this world needs for fathers to bring up their children in the Lord!

AE