A visitor to our website asks:

“In Genesis chapter 16:5, why was Sarai angry with Abram when it was her idea in verse 2 to give her maid to Abram in the first place?”

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Dear friend,

I suggest that, in answering it, we consider the broader context of this story.

God had made a promise to childless Abraham in Genesis 12:2-3—specifically, “I will make you a great nation; I will bless you and make your name great; and you shall be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and I will curse him who curses you; and in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed.” This was a promise that, in the immediate sense, Abraham would have a son; in the larger sense, a nation would come from him through that son; and in the ultimate sense, the Savior—the blessing of all the families of the earth—would come from that nation.

Abraham and his wife Sarah waited a long time for the fulfillment of the promise of a child. And after a while, Abraham thought that perhaps God would allow it to be fulfilled through human means. In 15:2-3, Abraham proposed to God that Abraham’s servant Eliezer of Damascus become his heir and the fulfillment of the promise. But God said that Eliezer would not be his heir, “but one who will come from your own body shall be your heir” (15:4). If we look ahead to chapter 18, we find that God makes it clear to Abraham that it would be through Sarah that the promised child would be born (18:10). And, of course, by 21:1-7, Sarah gave birth to Isaac. But in the middle, we find this incident in chapter 16. Abraham was eighty-five years old; and his wife Sarah was seventy-five. They were growing impatient. And so, they crafted a plan to bring about the fulfillment of God’s promise through strictly human means.

From the standpoint of the customs of that day and culture, there was nothing wrong in what they did. It wasn’t considered inappropriate for a childless man with a barren wife to have a son through his wife’s handmaiden—through a “surrogate mother”, as we would say today. But in this case, it was a matter of becoming impatient with the amount of time God was taking to fulfill His promise, and choosing to take things into their own hands and use means that were not a part of His will. We always get into trouble when we do that.

So; in answer to your question, I think that Sarah’s anger toward Abraham may be attributed to several things. First, Abraham did not serve as her ‘leader’. You’ll notice that it was Sarah’s idea to seek to fulfill God’s promise through Hagar—saying “perhaps I shall obtain children by her” (Gen. 16:2). And we’re told that “Abraham heeded the voice of Sarai.” The first time we read of such words is when God rebuked Adam for his sin of eating the forbidden fruit. God told him, in almost the same words, the reason he was cursed: “Because you have heeded the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree of which I commanded you, saying, ‘You shall not eat of it’ . . .” (Genesis 3:17). Now; understand—it’s not a sin for a man to heed the voice of his wife. In fact, very often, it’s the best part of wisdom to do so! But the sin of Adam was in the fact that he knew the right thing to do, but he heeded the voice of his wife when she told him to do the opposite of what God had said. Similarly, Abraham knew God’s will in this matter; but he heeded the contrary counsel of his wife. God’s good ways for us make for peace between us. But whenever we prefer human wisdom over the expressed will of God, it almost always leads to conflict between the people involved.

Another reason I think Sarah was angry with Abraham was because this effort to ‘solve problems for God’ resulted in making the situation worse. In response to Sarah’s suggestion, Abraham had relations with her maidservant Hagar; and the Bible tells us, “And when she [that is, Hagar] saw that she had conceived, her mistress [that is, Sarah] became despised in her eyes” (v. 4). Not only was Sarah still essentially childless, the pain of her childless condition was compounded by the haughty looks and snide comments of her handmaiden. That’s why Sarah said to Abraham, “My wrong be on you! I gave my maid into your embrace; and when she saw that she had conceived, I became despised in her eyes. The LORD judge between you and me” (v. 5). Perhaps we should have expected that Sarah would have acknowledged that this was a bad idea, and take responsibility for the problem she created. But sadly, when we get impatient with God, depart from His will, and take things into our own hands, we created a cycle of sin that brings its negative impact into our attitudes and relationships. Rather than repent, we often fall into the blame-game. (Adam did this, too. Remember how, when God confronted him, he blamed the sin of eating the fruit on the woman God had given him (Genesis 3:12)?

In closing, let me suggest that this serves as a good spiritual lesson for us today. The Bible warns us, “Do not be deceive, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart” (Galatians 6:7-9). God makes good promises to us in His word. But those promises are a test to us; and we must “inherit the promises” through “faith and patience” (Hebrews 6:12).

In Jesus’ love,
Pastor Greg
Bethany Bible Church

(All Scripture quotes are taken from the New King James Version.)